whats your age? and where you are based. whose expectations you are taking about

i am 15 , i am from India , and i am talking bout my parent's expectations from me

you are just 15. whats your parents expectations?

they think i am this perfect kid , who will always get straight A's , but in reality i am not that perfect kid , i dont know what to do with my life , cuz i am fucking confused , and i wish I was dead

by your parents expectations and country i can assume that you are male child of your family who has to carry the responsibility to excel in every field

actually no , i am a female

You don't need to feel bad for marks. it's just a number. if you want I can talk to your parents and helps in counseling them

i dont think they are the problem tho

i have been hating my self recently too , and i dont why i get really angry or irritated in little things

you are hiding something from me. if you don't open up i can't help mam.

when i was 5 , my parents had a huge fight , i dont remember physically or not , but my mom left my dad for 6 months and took me to my grandma's house , my mom worked as a teacher while we were in grandma's house , i was in a day care centre till 6pm , i dont remember much bout my childhood tho , my parents patched up again when i was 6-ish , we lived in a apartment, financially stable too , my dad wanted my brother to be an engineer , my brother didn't became one , but since i was 6 i have always heard that "the profession is being an engineer" so i always inclined to that , but as of today , i am really interested in studying criminology, but i also don't wanna let my father down by not choosing to be an engineer

i also get really scared from people , i panic around them , and i dont understand , why i get angry or irritated whenever someone interfers in my work

Thats some diversity, creditable. It might sound doable but this isn't a great idea. You would be heading to a situation where you wont know which to pursue. Its completely normal to have multiple interests and gather resources but its best done in a systematic manner. Study criminology through summer semesters and online courses and donot discontinue engineering. As of the profile, try show some extracurricular and internships combined with some research work pertaining to criminology.

thats the problem , i dont have multiple interests , i dont like engineering but i wanna do it for my dad , and i am not sure bout criminology, there are people who are way better than me in criminology , i can never compete to that , and tbh , i dont think i will be able to do criminology

You need mentor. more than friends. It’s very simple for M.A /M.Sc criminology in most of the universities in India you need only a basic UG degree. So you can apply for criminology with your Engineering degree which will not be a problem.

you can do both. i will support you and guide you

thank you

but can u explain , why do I get angry and irritable easily

Yeah. i can explain. its not your character it's a frustration of helplessness. You can't tell things to family and friends because they all are gonna judge so the harmones are not stable and this age has high capacity of adrenaline rush which provide rage.

oh thanks for the help :)