I feel u deaddaisiesp1. I also feel the same. what helping me is Having the "growth mindset". it says like saying, I you win, you will do better or if loose learn a new lesson which is so important for leading life. you can know more about "growth mindset by Carol dwek on YouTube". F the societal standards like loosing is bad/sin!! I think I never know my worth or what I am capable of until I try it for myself. Either I win, or loose it doesn't matter because in both possibilities I will "learn" which is the most important thing. I know it's easy to say. But the truth is until I am willing to accept myself with all my insecurities, fears, etc how can I begin to understand myself. I learnt from j Krishnamurthy that not to compare myself with anybody. Because it makes me dull, feel worthless....(list goes on) I am what I am. that's it. whatever you want to express just vent it out here or you can attend sessions. everyone are very supportive there. Just chill. give yourself time, everything will be alright ❤️😊