i'm so sorry you're feeling this way, we're all here by your side, you're not alone. thanks for sharing your story with us, you're very strong. it's okay to not be oprimistic at all times, we aren't robots. we all go through it at some point, in order to actually be done with it, is by going through every bit of the process. that process sucks so much, but you're so strong. we are here. rant as much as you can it's okay.