okay so i am full of shit and just not shit ...but like negative BULLSHIT. idk if i am just depressed or anxious or to laszy to work my ass off or if i have MD problems or if voice schizophrenia. But i know if i am left alone with my parents and granpa without my brother to nullify them....i will break ....i will overthink shit ...and go back to my dog hole. and the worse part is no one would be there to you know shit talk to me about how shitty i am but him. When he goes away.... I mean away away to master's collage who will take care of me in the shitty way he does. who will tell me if i wore too much of the same 3 tshirts that i own out of a 100 and how to suck up to bullies. even though he has been one to me pretty much all his life (i am it takes one to deal with one right?). wtf man wtf man. the worst part i don't want him to see me cry about this like a little kid...or leave me with the trauma of no closure. plus he is already moving on with his new girl friends 😭😭😭😭