I feel defeated. Down. Just so many things. I have practically no one in my life that I can discuss my issues with. its sad. I don't feel its worth it anymore

Question

Defeated · Answer

The fact that everyone says its faced by everyone irritates me even more. Maybe everyone faces it so what I am talking about myself. Am I not an individual and just a crowd.

Defeated · Answer

I have been trying to write it down but it just increasses my anxiety fearing someone might see it.

amusedsardines2 · Answer

sharing feeling.. everyone is not worth of it.. you need to find someone. to whom you can blindly trust. and share your feeling

Defeated · Answer

Frankly how do u make friends really. R they hanging out somewhere

amusedsardines2 · Answer

friends are not made easily

amusedsardines2 · Answer

if there are no frieds. you need to learn to live alone

Defeated · Answer

i have trusted blindly and faced the consequences of it. its not worth it.

amusedsardines2 · Answer

yeah dude. i have many friends.. but everyone is not worth taking risk..

amusedsardines2 · Answer

sometimes i feel i dont have any friends

Defeated · Answer

i have always lived alone. Trust me its not always fun to live with your thoughts hunting you. i take ayurvedic anxiety pills to calm myself down. Otherwise I don't know what i will do.

skylar · Answer

why do u feel defeated?

Defeated · Answer

Thank you for that question. no body asks why. There r many things. i am bad at expressing myself.

Defeated · Answer

skylar I don't remember a day in my life that i can say i have been happy. Now I feel old and feel i cannot deal with it anymore.

skylar · Answer

u took the first step by sharing this, didn't u? i know it's hard to express but can u try?

skylar · Answer

u feel old...... what's ur age? and what's happiness for you?

Defeated · Answer

thank you skylar. i wish someone could listen to me once.

Defeated · Answer

i am 43

Defeated · Answer

happiness for me is being able to share my feelings. i have become bitter. people seem to run away from me.

Defeated · Answer

I feel so done.

skylar · Answer

why do you think u ve become bitter?

Defeated · Answer

I am the youngest of 4 siblings. My mother wentinto depression after I was born. She was disconnected to me. My father was a very dominating person.

Defeated · Answer

i have become bitter because of my experiences. My own family has not stood with me in my hour of need.

Defeated · Answer

They put me down and dont even realise it.

Defeated · Answer

i feel i have lost my dignity. there are many times i feel I don't want to live. but try to overcome it

skylar · Answer

how long have u been feeling like this?

Defeated · Answer

i get irritated very fast due to which scares me a lot about myself. i am scared of getting close to anyone. because I get stressed out very easilyof everything

Defeated · Answer

i have had these feelings for a very long time

Defeated · Answer

i tried to commit sucide when i was 16

Defeated · Answer

i have struggled thought these feelings through out my life.

Defeated · Answer

i am unable to connect to people.

skylar · Answer

can u elaborate these feelings here?

Defeated · Answer

sorry skylar I am unable to see your messages

Defeated · Answer

r u there

skylar · Answer

yes I'm here

skylar · Answer

refresh ur feed

Defeated · Answer

ok thanks

skylar · Answer

can u see my last question?

Defeated · Answer

skylar. it has been difficult.

Defeated · Answer

u asked me to elaborate on my feelings

skylar · Answer

yes

Defeated · Answer

I had an arraned marriage when I was 26. it didn't work out. Then after 2 years I felt I met someone and married again

skylar · Answer

it may feel difficult in expressing ur emotions, but try it... you'll feel much lighter.....

Defeated · Answer

My sixth sense was constantly telling me something is off.but i still went ahead and got married.

skylar · Answer

yeah.... continue

Defeated · Answer

i gave him all my savings and everything. We bought the house but it was only in his name. he said once we get married he will put my name. we got married i paid for all the furniture, and every month all my salary was used to take care of our needs

Defeated · Answer

he never put my name in the house when I asked to put my name he tried to kill me.

Defeated · Answer

he opened the door of the house stripped me naked and tried to kill me.

Defeated · Answer

i wasn't able to stand up for myself even though the medical reports and everything was on ky side.

Defeated · Answer

i get anxiety attacks when I have to stand up for myself.

Defeated · Answer

i get scared. i get angry but express myself in ways that feels as if I am guilty

skylar · Answer

are u out of that relationship now?

Defeated · Answer

it angers me more inside when I am unable to stand for myself.

Defeated · Answer

i ran away from that house

Defeated · Answer

every time I want to apply for divorce i strt getting anxiety attacks

Defeated · Answer

my family is so judgemental they r certain it is because of my anger.

Defeated · Answer

but it is not true at alll. this makes me very angry

Defeated · Answer

i think its not really anger. its not able to put across how i feel.

Defeated · Answer

i have difficulty expressing myself.

skylar · Answer

it's not true tho... ur anger , ur sadness and ur anxiety - everything here is justified here.... u went through something no one should go through

skylar · Answer

but here u r doing good!!!

Defeated · Answer

because my mother has constantly judged me put me aside stating its all ky fault. i have so much self doubt that i don't know if someone is mistreating me

Defeated · Answer

yes I feel safe to express

Defeated · Answer

i hope you are not judging me.

skylar · Answer

I won't ever judge you,

Defeated · Answer

I really hate myself to an extend where if anyone is kind to me i cannot understand sometime

Defeated · Answer

thank you skylar. This seems like a safe place

Defeated · Answer

i am unable to make decisions that are good to me. that r rt for me

Defeated · Answer

i always end up making life choices that effect me very badly

Defeated · Answer

i know i am not supposed to make them. but then as if something inside me forces me to do things that hurt me. its the hate and resentment inside me

Defeated · Answer

i don't know how to overcome them. so i feel defeated and it feels i am never going to be able to overcome them

Defeated · Answer

its difficult to do it alone

Defeated · Answer

every person i trust is only there to take some kind of advantage from me

Defeated · Answer

i have had lot of casual relationships after i got seperated. the loneliness was unbearable.

Defeated · Answer

i don't feel very good about myself due to these things. i would have never done something like this if i have had even one healthy relationship

skylar · Answer

have you tried healing? is it ur first time trying to share ur feelings?

Defeated · Answer

constant judgement from my mother. self hatred, lonliness. everything is eating me up.

Defeated · Answer

no i went to a sycriatist for anxiety last year during lovkdown and i was working from home

skylar · Answer

sometimes it's better to remove toxic from ur life in order to heal... I know there must be some responsibilities.... but keep maintain a healthy space and distance

Defeated · Answer

i was facing server anxiety issues but they only priscribe medicine

Defeated · Answer

they doyhave time to unravel and resolve personal issues

skylar · Answer

they didn't give you therapy sessions and counselling?

Defeated · Answer

yes. i have tried

skylar · Answer

it didn't work?

Defeated · Answer

no there are no therapy sessions. u just have 5 to 10 min

Defeated · Answer

no i have never spoke to a  councellor before just a sycriatist.

skylar · Answer

in that case u can try listening circles on this app, u can share ur problems and listen to others, - there's a Physitraist so u can give it a try

Defeated · Answer

i tried excercise and tried to concentrate on other interests. but the anxiety kicked in very hard. i was unable to function

Defeated · Answer

i feel much better speaking to you

Defeated · Answer

do u provide any councelling seperately in a chat room.

skylar · Answer

when u feel anxious, what kind of thoughts goes in ur head?

skylar · Answer

um I'm not qualified and there's no personal chat available here 😅

Defeated · Answer

sorry unable to see your chats again

Defeated · Answer

yes got it

Defeated · Answer

ohh ok. no issues. i am great full u spoke to me for sometime. u asked the correct questions it helped me

Defeated · Answer

when I am anxious usually all failure thoughts come to me.

skylar · Answer

refresh it, this app has notifications and delivery issues

Defeated · Answer

like how i have failed myself. like how and what i should have done. how it could have changed the situation

Defeated · Answer

yes I see that there seems to be a slight delay

skylar · Answer

what kind of failure thoughts? your past relationships?

skylar · Answer

guilt and regret is what u feel?

skylar · Answer

in other words ur bargaining with urself tho?

Defeated · Answer

so how r u here. is there something tht u would like to share. i would like to listen to u.

Defeated · Answer

yes my past relationships. my past life choices that i had made related to my career and my life. being unable at everything

skylar · Answer

well...today, I'm sick ...been for past week and got upcoming exams for unis and colleges... not at all prepared.. so nervous and anxious

Defeated · Answer

yes Whenever there is a decision to be taken or a choice to be made. i always make the wrong choices. even though somewhere i know the other decision would be the correct one for me

Defeated · Answer

i want to speak to someone at that time which never happens

skylar · Answer

if u r bargaining is what  u r feeling then, u r at right path... towards healing... you'll get there one day... u'll get the happiness u r looking for

Defeated · Answer

i understand your stress. Take care of yourself. i hope you feel better. i am sure you will do good. you have a rt analytical mind.

Defeated · Answer

yes that is true. i hope am able to

skylar · Answer

thank you, I'm on same journey... towards better myself

skylar · Answer

how are u feeling now?

Defeated · Answer

i am feeling much better. all thanks to you

Defeated · Answer

so what r u majoring in. which subject

skylar · Answer

anytime... feel free to share anything u feel in community....

skylar · Answer

uhm... Im just a high school graduate 😅

Defeated · Answer

you are very mature for a High school graduate. You are doing good.

Defeated · Answer

yes definitely skylar.

skylar · Answer

life and situations make us mature...

Defeated · Answer

yes that's true.

Frustrating

help me please

how do I change for the better?

difficult tym after breakup