It happens bud trust me we have all been there. As if no one understands how we feel, As if we don't deserve what they have because of our past. Don't be hard on yourself express your emotion whatever way you feel comfortable in... You can start journaling or maybe start with a new hobby. Some days are just not okay, but every cloud has a silver lining just hold on to the good parts, think about all the happy moments you had all these years. Go out grab an ice cream or maybe bake with someone you feel comfortable with might not be the best escape, maybe the cake is a failure but the process will be filled with so many beautiful memories to cherish forever. We can't be happy always being sad is a part of life, an emotion we can't escape from, all we need to do is stick on to all those beautiful moments and have faith that one day you will be somewhere you always wanted to be. I believe in you! Fly as high as you can! :)