i lost my father today and it all still feels unreal and i feel numb. i was having intrusive thoughts wondering what would happen if this happens and now it has actually happen . We didn't use to be that close but we did get quite close this year. i am thankful that atleast he had fun during his last days. I am sorry i couldn't say it to you but i love you papa and thank you for being here for me. Accepting me when i thought nobody will ever do so.