heyq

hey

how are u feeling now

numb to feeling,i only feel pain

anything specific happened?

heartbreak which started from somebody i liked alot then my best friend turned to be fake he was only using me,this made me see as diffrent place,is like ive build a wall in my heart,letting people in is difficult

It's ok if you don't wanna trust people anymore. Our mental peace is of utmost importance. But you don't have to be angry either. Limit your conversations and speak only when required. You don't need to shoo them away. Some might actually want to be friends with you or someone may genuinely like you without any intention of hurting you. So take it slow and be gentle. And just because a couple of them hurt you doesn't mean everybody will

the problem is how am going to stop,ive been a victim toxic job,and whenever i pointed out my boundaries or anything no one listened and the olny language they understand is by bring angry at them,so i took the anger as a coping skill,whenever i try to be nice they always find a way to gaslight me,am actually confussed how will i live,coz actually every one got to know the nice me but am turning to something i cant imagine,thinking of it just gives me anxiety,i dont want to hurt anyone bu t i do t want to be hurt either,am stuck on which side to fight on

I understand. Anger is fine if they don't understand the nicer way.. but don't overstep your boundaries. Show only that much anger which you can tolerate from others. Only then is it acceptable

i alredy did and that damaged my sel esteem alot,i doubt my self a 1000 timrs and trying to improve it backfires every time i dont feel like trying any more

What do you feel like doing now?

i want to be nice but with good bounderies,im trying,but the trauma went deep,whenever i start a frindship i see them going the same direction as the previous and start panicking and then i become scared like you can see it through my face and i guess thats where people are taking advantage of me coz when am stuck on freeze response you can talk to me shit and i wont stand up for me,so instead of fighting back i let that pass but it hurts later,so instead of letting anyone in i just send them off before we can be friends,i really want to change my view of things but i dont know how

You should take one step at a time and take it slow. You don't have to trust them right away but that also doesn't mean you need to shut yourself out. You cannot live this way. Eventually you have to make a few friends and start trusting a little. Be nice, if you sense that it isn't gonna work out, just let them go. But atleast give them a chance. Give yourself a chance to start afresh. Hope you got my point

didnt expect to see it that way,thanks for that

@exactinglollies2- Dude, why're you bringing up religion? That was unrequired. You can simply guide a person even without bringing up religion everywhere!

@excitedTomatoe7- I agree with you. People should stick to the point without bringing in religion. Could have just said have faith in God and don't lose hope 🤷‍♀️

@thrilledtomatoe5- Agreed 💯

i am not that good in starting issue,and promise i know how it feels especially working in a toxic place you justify being done wrong by others,ill give you a story,lets call this lady mary,i was emplyed shortly after her at a betting shop,she was that girl from the movies,short,cute lips, ocean eyes,she was the description of perfect,i had a crush on her even before i was emplyed,that being my first job ever,i didnt have expirience in that field but i had worked at a relative hotel so i had some idea of what work looks like,first day she showed me how things work,by the first month i had already learnt the job well,but i havent told her how i feel about her but i simpped alot,eseciallyoverworking,looking after her son and even coming earlier than expected to impress her,to show her that i liked her but i was too afraid to tell her how i felt but wont lie for a moment i thought we had a thing,she used to look me in a kind a way,she made me feel appreciated but she was evil man,whenever i said no or refused to give her attention she hoped to the customers to make me feel jelous,wont lie that shit worked,whenever i saw this i let my guard down and let her get what she wanted like coming late,but i was to scared to stand for myself and say,,,we aint doing work the way it is supposed to be done,,,,,you wanna know the funny part,after all this staff,i finally decided to ask her if she could be my girlfriend,i was told i was ignorant,and that shit made me hate myself,how could i given my time and resourses just to be called ignorant,i really beat myself,asking myself questions like i saw this coming but my stupid ass could not leave her alone,this right here brought up some past trauma if the same sort,and thats how i became depressed and let others walk all over me

Maybe you should try loving yourself first and putting your own needs ahead of others'. Let's get real, nobody stays. No matter what we do, people are not appreciative of our efforts/love. It's best to invest the time and energy upon ourselves and stop expecting others to reciprocate whatever we have for them

@excitedtomatoe7,am trying imtrying to love my self,so i started loving myself,but every journey has its challenges,and loving myself made me more curious alot,like why i was addicted toxic shit(but also during this time i also think am toxic but i met someone more toxic,or maybe i was trying to hide my nice side),so when i started looking these saff on youtube which i recommend you highly not to search your symptoms on youtube or google or when doing it just do it at your own risk,learning this things which i was learning for the first time i felt overwhelmed and started asking questions like why me,learning what a etoxic and narcissits means,and funny thing i found i had some traits of the traits,these got me confused and also scared at the same time,i dont know if i will call it frear or hatred toward female gende(please dont take it pesonal its not a you problem its a me problem)i fear trusting any female,and for sure i dint know how to escape this cycle which is repeating over and over again,i learnt some styles to deal with my anxiety,for some month ut worked and i could feel my feelings and that is the best thing ever happened to me,ive always been the fixer but nobody saw how my broken heart which even kniw dont think anyone cares,but yolo.after some time i went into numbness,i dint know how i feel i only feel overwhelmed of some sort,and the panic attacks have increased now my headache can last even the whole night,like its 8:12am,and i havent slept from yestarday 10 am,am struggling to feel my feeling but i am unable but am

Yeah don't get into the superficial stuff on the web where everybody thinks of themselves an expert and know it all. See we've all had a rough past or something that changed a part of us. But the aim is to learn from our ignorance in the past and take it as a lesson for the present and future. Don't stay stuck with what and why a certain thing happened. It's in the past, now let it go. Don't overthink and go into the details. I'd suggest to start afresh. Don't trust too easy, but also don't shove away people. Give them and yourself a chance and be patient as it takes time to get back there

i really get your point but i guess they arent working for me,so after some panic attacks i feel motivated as fuck,i can ineract with people,but during a panic attack i feel numb even going out becomes a problem,ive had some in public and wont lie i just feel like i could disappear into thin air,people stare at me,and the only thing some of them can do is to look at you and start with some funny faces and that usally frustrate me,(please never judge someone you never know,i never saw myself at this point in my life and i realky prayed for forgiveness coz ive judged someone who was depressed before me,and i totally unerstand know),so when i get frustrated i get angry man,i dont know why but i think am still scared to be judged,but have you seen how bad boys be like that fierce face,thats how i get but the thing its fun at first to scare people but its hurting when you start scaring even your little sister,it sucks to see het scared,and am trying to deal with this anger its not easy i havebt found a way to regulate while therapist aint ready for me,abd thats when i started isolating and its lonely but ratheronely than scaring the people you love,i really dont know how to regulate this anger

Whenever you get irrationally angry, take a pause, try counting backwards, have a glass of water, walk away.. apologise and leave. Just think about how you want to control this and think of how many people you're hurting in the process. Seems difficult but once you resolve to control your anger issues, you'll make slow yet steady and durable progress.

i was thinking to start medication,whats your take on this

You should consult a doc before you do that. Tell him your history and then they'll advise you the best on this. Also I'll suggest not to be entirely dependent on meds and try innate anger management tools as well

What will you do if you again face a situation which triggers your anger? Effect of meds won't be long lasting. You'll have to calm yourself from within

have you ever used those drugs,and if so what is the expirince

No I've not, and I would never use them without supervision of an experienced doc either. I'm also from medical background, so I can safely say these meds mostly prevent anger outburts, and act as mood stabilizers. It is not a permanent solution though

i feel detached from my within,i hd learnt then dont kwo whay happened i just lost in touch with that self,i had a nick name for,used to call that self lil boy

If you're looking for long term management of anger, then I wouldn't recommend meds. You could try them under supervision of a doc to. But you also need to work on yourself and calm down from within. Obviously you can't rely upon those meds for months or years. Also, don't take any meds without consulting a doc

i fear meds bro,i cant take them over the counter,,i just want this to be over,i was thinking maybe if i manage anger i could be more apprichable to the therapist and it will be easy to deal with my situation,do you u believev i can deal with anger witout the drugs,everyting feels impossible now

In my opinion meds are not a permanent solution. Of course you can work it out. Next time you get angry, take a deep breath and control your emotions. Stay calm and take a walk. You can come back and talk to the person with a calm mind. Only you can work upon yourself. A therapist will guide you, but it's upon you to do it

So unless you believe that you can, nobody can help you

thanks man,now i know its upon me to change,i think im starting to remember how it felt to be in my feelings,i dont know how to explain it but thanks to you bro

You're welcome! I'm glad I could help and I hope you work on it starting today 💜