anxiety and depression related to existence

Anxiety

Depression

why can not i just vanish into thin air like i never existed. i live like a guest in my own house. i cant even remember one conversation even with my closest freinds without being overconcious of myself. Even when i am.at parties i can not dance because i freez. no one knows that i cry myself to bed everyday. Not even one day is gone when i dont break into tears. Even when my famiky nitpicks i break down. i become too anxious and stressed in public. i can not drive or shop without being awkward and super wierd. i can not maintain a close relationship even with my freinds. i never call them first even in group conversations i try hard to fit in. i just cant. its too much now. nothing is in my control i can see my life falling appart. i wanna open up to my partner but he wont understand. he has the best social life and he is the most optimistic person i have ever met with a very good family who supports him. but its just the opposite with me. i dont have any attachment from my parents. i drifted myself apart from them because of abuse and toxicity. i have lost myself none of my old hobby interest me anymore. i just wanna feel free i am sick of everything. i just dont want to exist.

relievedSmelt5

5 Answers

Sunshineme

I guess you think about people alot. thinking what they think of you. People are going to think and make a perspective but who cares. We have to live our life and they can live for us. Coming to your family, have you tried talking to them. May be in abuse they mention few things and probably that's affecting you socially.

Zoya Ahmad

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. It is obvious from what you told, you don't feel belonged and understood, and belongingness is one of the crucial human needs. In the absence of it, one can feel dissociated with the world as well as self, life feels meaningless. To counter these feelings, you must understand about you, who and how you are as a person, and what kind of activities do your life, which environment do you feel comfortable in. There are many ways to develop self-awareness, you can begin with taking personality tests like enneagram and mbti.

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Black06

heyy, i know how it feels i fought depression for nearly 3 years of my life, thinking this is how the rest of my life is gonna be. no matter how hard it is to believe it DOES GET BETTER. dont force yourself to come out of this. try and keep yourself busy and do not cave in for those negative thoughts. its all temporary. lots of love.

it has only started happening since a year. before that i wasnt much comfortable whith new crowds of people that i dont know but i was very comfortable with my freinds. but now its overwhelming as if everything has multiplied *100 i have lost control.

Did anything happen?

I am not fit for anyone

Unloving

Need someone to talk to!!

I really want to change