anxious about disconnect contact with a crush because of another friend

Anxiety

General Query

I am a 26 yr old woman. I liked a guy who was also my friend. I had confessed my feelings to the guy but he didn't reciprocate so I was ok with being just friends with him. In fact this had never affected our friendship. But one day I met another girl friend of mine and while in the conversation I had confessed that I liked this guy but we were friends. She didn't know him personally but later I came to know that she met him through their mutual friend and had said something about me after which the guy entirely stopped talking to me. This made me extremely anxious as I wasn't able to know what had happened. I used to have panic attacks because I regretted telling things to the girl. I was always anxious and restless because it seemed I lost him as a friend. But just a month back I started feeling better,suddenly the guy friend was a little cordial with me and everything was fine. Now I hear that that girl friend of mine has again come to my hometown and this thought is making me restless and anxious that she'll meet him and create a fuss again. Things were just getting better. It feels I've developed a phobia for the entire incident and I've started to feel restless and anxious again. I don't want to ruin things again. What should I do?

soreThrush8

3 Answers

Zoya Ahmad

Hey! Thanks for reaching out to us. This is very natural that we tend to develop a fear if we are betrayed earlier by the same thing. What you can do here is first confront your friend and let her know that you aren’t comfortable with this behaviour of hers. Also understand whatever the other person says about you, they are already insecure and are projecting their insecurities on you. Your true friends will never believe others because they already knows what kind of a person you are. Don’t fear from the situation rather face it and confront it. You will feel better, be confident of who you are.

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I had confronted the girl and explained her how the entire thing affected me mentally. I also requested her to put an end to this matter here because the entire thing makes me very anxious. She apologised to me but there's something unusual with my guy friend's behaviour again so that makes me wonder if she's said something again. The problem is the guy refuses to say anything but continues with his hostile behaviour. The girl is sweet on the face but what she does behind my back only she knows because I do see a change in the guy's behaviour again. He had just started being cordial with me and now again something seems to be happening. How do I stop this entire thing once and for all? I don't want to lose him as a friend

The more you think about it the more you will feel anxious about it. Don’t assume what she must have done, try to talk to the guy and ask him if there is anything about you that bothers him and tell him that you can see a change in his behaviour, you want to know the reason so that you can fix it. If he explains then it’s good, if he doesn’t accept it and be true to yourself. Just be normal around him.

Question.

help me please