anxious about relationship

Anxiety

Relationship Issues

Career

Hi, I have been dating this wonderful man since almost a year now. But because of the pandemic and the lockdown, 9 months of the 1 year relationship is spent in a long distance relationship. It went smoothly. Almost smoothly because I keep containing all my anxiety within me. But I can't do it anymore. Am anxious all the time about our relationship and whenever I try communicating this with him, he kind of became an ass and remained silent. So I shut myself up even more when it came to expressing myself. I started feeling like I am burdening him with my feelings. I also have trust issues and separation issues which all spikes up my anxiety even more. Everytime he is out with his friends, I get anxious about not being remembered anymore. I need to work on myself, I know. I just don't know how. There's so much more that I can't express because I don't understand myself. Am constantly restless, suffocated. I need to change this. I keep doubting his feelings for me and getting upset for little things like him not replying to an I love you text. I need to work on myself so much. I need help. I want to be happy. I really like this guy. I am going to his place for Christmas, just for a few days so that I don't miss out on my work. It's too less of a time and I fear that things would get worse. Please help me breathe.

DisorderNchaos

7 Answers

Sunshineme

Its natural what you are feeling. We often thiink that it might not last. But your insecurities will ruin everything. Being your partner he should give you that security.

Thank you for your response. The question that I have here is, he has never been in a long term relationship let alone in a long distance one and that too with a mess like me. How do I help him help me? He doesn't understand and often feels helpless and then annoyed. 😓

hansa_shaunik

Hi! Thank you for reaching out. Before we begin I'd like to ask how you feel about yourself? Do you feel that you don't deserve him? That you're not good enough (or smart enough or clever enough, successful enough, etc,)? If you don't hear from him, what do you tell yourself at that time? Think back to a time when that may have happened. What was the inner dialogue you engaged in?

Hello ma'am! Most of the times I feel confident about us being together and I feel that we are a good match. But there are these rare occasions when I've said something stupid and I start doubting his feelings for me. When I dont hear from him, I stay torn between two feelings - he is bored of me and he is avoiding me/ does not miss me enough/ found someone better and is entertaining her. And, the other being, the sane one - he is probably busy and working/ out for a walk or with friends/ sleeping or just taking a break. I try to think straight but most of the times its the negative thoughts that win.

I understand the feeling. When you don't hear from him, you think he will find someone else. Mostly we are confident people but at times we overthink. It's ok, the best thing you can do is do positive thinking. Don't call or text him when he is out. Avoid him and give him time to get back to you. what you can do is don't revolve your life around him. Take yourself first. focus on your well being. Enjoy with your friends, this time wont come back. You will regret later that you wasted your time panicking about someone else. Be happy

Actually, I was asking not about how you feel about your relationship. How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel that you're not good enough for this person?

Hello ma'am, In response to your question, I'd say, no. I don't think I am not good enough for him. I actually think I am excellent for him. But maybe he doesn't feel the same. And over this long distance relationship, me might find someone else....not conciously, I trust he won't do that. But he might just come across someone whom he'd think is more suited. This is my constant source of anxiety and insecurity. I can't seem to get this out of my mind ma'am.

I am not fit for anyone

Unloving

Need someone to talk to!!

I really want to change