should I call my bf every time just bcoz i misshim so much that i want to call him to live with me. we were loving together but then we got into this huge fight and now he says his self respect is hurt .. even though mine is hurt too!

Question

David6124 · Answer

So in short you guys were living together, one day a fight happened, he left saying his self respect was hurt.?

rrkk · Answer

yes

rrkk · Answer

actually not a single fight but a lot of fights day by day...

David6124 · Answer

of I may ask, what were you guys fighting about

rrkk · Answer

understanding issues, may b compatibility... but we can't live without each other

rrkk · Answer

like he always sees my fault but not his

David6124 · Answer

ahh

David6124 · Answer

you're saying he never admit his mistakes but always points out yours

rrkk · Answer

yes almost every time

rrkk · Answer

and says that he is hurt when I am hurt too ...

David6124 · Answer

Ah. sounds just like my relationship

David6124 · Answer

Anyway, after a fight who talks first?

rrkk · Answer

most of the time it's me

rrkk · Answer

sometimes he initiates.. but mostly bcoz he thinks it's my fault. so he plays a victy

rrkk · Answer

victim

David6124 · Answer

Oh. can you give me one example of the fight n how it started

David6124 · Answer

oh

David6124 · Answer

have you tried talking to him about it when he's calm?

rrkk · Answer

example as in like we have money issues . i am earning he is finding job, so he always thinks that i have money attitude when I don't have any . i did everything for him but then also he expects me to do more.... ....... so if I say that i have done this or done that for you.... he says that i am showing attitude

David6124 · Answer

okay. I understood.

rrkk · Answer

he doesn't understand that he triggers me to say so .... he just sees my answers.... den he left me that i am showing attitude if he is living with me and i am earning

rrkk · Answer

so what can be done to make him understand

rrkk · Answer

you also said that it's similar to yours .... are u also having issues

David6124 · Answer

ha his ego got hurt. I feel like he's quick tempered, is that so?

rrkk · Answer

yess he is short tempered

rrkk · Answer

but what about me... if I keep on listening to his tantrums then also i am the bad person, if i answer him to make him realise then also i am the bad one

David6124 · Answer

well yes it is kinda similar, but sadly I'm ur bf type

David6124 · Answer

you are not a bad person. don't blame yourself

rrkk · Answer

that i understand . but how can I make him realise

David6124 · Answer

I saw your post and kinda reminded me of what she used to say to me. hence I replied.

David6124 · Answer

I realized it after she told me only

rrkk · Answer

i did everything for him but still it's not enough .. and den one small answer to him and he plays victim card

rrkk · Answer

how u realised??

rrkk · Answer

i have tried everything

David6124 · Answer

how long has he been out of job for?

rrkk · Answer

actually he is trying for govt job... so it's taking time

David6124 · Answer

no income rn?

rrkk · Answer

nope... but i am earning so I have a flat and all the facilities for us

David6124 · Answer

ok so hear me out, I'm not blaming u or supporting him, so the guy doesn't have job, has to live w gf on her money and considering his character from what you have told he's been feeling guilty of being burden to u, and the frustration of not finding job increases by the day, then the other person actually points out that they're leeching of of them then if you were in that position will you get angry  sad or will you let it slide?

David6124 · Answer

as long as he doesn't find a job, the frustration will keep on piling up and more fights will occur.

rrkk · Answer

i totally agree.. but do u think it's ok for me.... if he is not finding job and i am supporting him in every way... then also if he blames me for everything... is it correct for me...?? uptill when I have to bear that .. it hurts me too....

David6124 · Answer

Out of curiosity, in what way he blames you?

rrkk · Answer

as i already told u like in money issues.. or like in some matters he thinks i have attitude....

David6124 · Answer

is he an introvert type?

rrkk · Answer

but u tell me if someone always tells u that you have not done enough for me... then uptill when u will listen... someday u will say that i have done this for u... and just on that day i am the bad person

rrkk · Answer

yes . we both are introvert type...

David6124 · Answer

yes you have told money issues, I was asking in what way, like does he say u spend too much on other stuff or something like that

rrkk · Answer

no... he says i don't spend on him enough...

rrkk · Answer

what about you

David6124 · Answer

I don't know why he says that you don't do enough for him. As far as I see from what you told, you take care of him and support him. Maybe he's taking you and your love for granted that he's not seeing all this

rrkk · Answer

so are you guys together??? what did ur gf told you to make u realise

David6124 · Answer

doesn't spend on him enough? bruh. he should be spending for you.

rrkk · Answer

no not granted.. but i think he is not mature enough to understand me

rrkk · Answer

yeah.. but his point is at some time he will earn and then he is gonna spend on me endlessly..... so why do I can't.... i believe in saving money...

rrkk · Answer

i think it's too complicated

rrkk · Answer

you tell me what about your issues

David6124 · Answer

us? it's complicated. our issue was never about this. yes we did have our fair share of fights. but the reason she wanted to break up was the caste difference. her family was from a higher one. n I'm an obc category guy.

rrkk · Answer

whatt..... same is with me.. my guy is also once but i can't think my life away from him.... this can't be the reason

rrkk · Answer

also once*

David6124 · Answer

We got into fight one day. She started crying, said that I don't see my mistakes, I felt bad seeing her cry, after that I try not to say anything mental. But there were times when my mental words were taken in diff way than I intended them to be.

rrkk · Answer

obc*

rrkk · Answer

i don't know where God has intended other plans.... so things can't get sorted ...

David6124 · Answer

Ha. Dk. She said her family believes in pure bloodline. So her family will give her off to a Rajput guy only

rrkk · Answer

how much time has been passed after breakup...

David6124 · Answer

Haan. Savings is also important.

rrkk · Answer

hmmm may be in rajput .. they are strict

David6124 · Answer

Our breakup is also very much complicated. She broke up with me last Sunday. But we were together and all over each other this Sunday. So idk what's happening anymore

rrkk · Answer

so it's great. bcoz where there is love people can't be seperated....

David6124 · Answer

Haan. Her father is really strict about bloodline and caste

David6124 · Answer

Well we're still breaking up. She did say that after making out.

rrkk · Answer

same is with us.... we can never be seperated... yes we fight a lot but still I try and then we get along

rrkk · Answer

what.... doesn't she has feelings.... sorry to say but you should stop her getting close to u .. as u will be left behind in feelings

rrkk · Answer

just try to make out that ur gf is really sad breaking up with u or just using u to make her happy

David6124 · Answer

Ha. Usually when we fight we both will b kinda really wild in bed, and she'd bite and scratch me like a cat, taking out her frustration and anger, I'll bite her too. We'd both be having lot of marks over us when it's over. My lips, back, chest and thighs are all still hurting coz of her scratches.

rrkk · Answer

ohhh but what's the use... if she is still leaving you

David6124 · Answer

We usually let out our anger or sadness like this. Idk maybe it's a weird thing to do. But that's just us.

rrkk · Answer

yes every couple is different

rrkk · Answer

but still if she is leaving u then try not to get close to her as u will always be left from where u started.....

David6124 · Answer

I really really want to be with her, if it was anything else I could've tried to change. but how am I supposed to change the caste I'm born into

David6124 · Answer

Mm. I know.

David6124 · Answer

Anyway how did you get to know about this app?

rrkk · Answer

you have got only one option to marry her against parents.... no other option ....

rrkk · Answer

bcoz i was having anxiety issues after so much fight... so I searched for something to calm me down...

David6124 · Answer

Ah. that I can't do. she loves her parents. I won't be able to forgive myself if a rift happens between them cause of me

rrkk · Answer

see... people have to choose sometimes.... bcoz u both have a whole life to spend together..... in my family too.... same caste difference happened... but my sister was strict that she will marry that guy only..... or else she will not marry ..

David6124 · Answer

Anyway when you both are calm, try talking it out. It would've been good if he does a job while searching for a govt job rather than sitting jobless. that way he can support you too and he will have less guilt of leeching of you(if he's having guilt)

David6124 · Answer

how's everything between your sister and your family now? means she got married?

rrkk · Answer

then my family made her wait for 2 years.. they all tried to change her mind.. but she did not change... then lastly family accepted their marriage

David6124 · Answer

Ah.

rrkk · Answer

another sister of mine also did love marriage.. family was not convinced for caste difference... but she still did court marriage... family did not talked to her for 3 years .. but then they started calling her home after her son was born....

rrkk · Answer

so point is people change.. but you two have a whole life... girl has to spend with husband not with parents....

David6124 · Answer

Ha. But she won't be able to go against her parents. She's scared of how her relatives will talk about her parents saying 'Their daughter married a guy from a low caste' and look at them with pity and mock them. She's scared of that

rrkk · Answer

then try to earn a lot of money and make a good fortune so that your girl can proudly say that what's with the cast, he is so rich...

David6124 · Answer

By the way what's your job type?

David6124 · Answer

Hmm. My current earnings are not much.

rrkk · Answer

doctor

David6124 · Answer

Whoah. Which branch of doc?

rrkk · Answer

mbbs .. i am in government job as a medical officer...

rrkk · Answer

what's your job

David6124 · Answer

I'm a research fellow under DBT.

rrkk · Answer

ohkk...

David6124 · Answer

I know. It ain't much of a job. I'm trying to go abroad for my PhD, Currently doing this to earn some money.

rrkk · Answer

so in ur case also you have to judge that if your girl can convince her parents or not .. if she can't then it will be good to distant yourself...

David6124 · Answer

hmm

David6124 · Answer

where is ur bf now? still in flat ?

rrkk · Answer

it's nice whatever you do .... just i was saying bcoz i have seen marriages in my home....

rrkk · Answer

nope.. that's why I was asking... how to make him realise....

David6124 · Answer

Mm. Anyway it was kinda nice talking to you.

David6124 · Answer

That he can only realize once his head cools down

rrkk · Answer

Mee too.... sometimes talking to someone without being judged feels nice....

David6124 · Answer

rn his ego is hurt too much

rrkk · Answer

i know... but my ego is hurt too.... this time I will also not bow down...

David6124 · Answer

so it will take a while for him to calm down and think from your pov or listen to you. whatever you say now will just either get him more angry or would just fly over his head

rrkk · Answer

hmm

David6124 · Answer

hmm. it's okay, he should come back to you too, it won't be good if you are the only one who's always going back to him

innocentpup4 · Answer

I feel his ego is hurt, as a man you need to provide for your woman you love and when you fail to do that it hurts your man ego and it outburts as anger, give him time guys always come back

innocentpup4 · Answer

And no, don't call or message him, guys miss their women in absence

innocentpup4 · Answer

if you always keep going to him, he will always expect you to be just there , men are chasers they like to chase their women let him always come to you, hold your ground and when he comes back ask him how he is feeling and say sorry if anything you said bothered him but you never ever meant to hurt him and everything will be fine don't worry

David6124 · Answer

Hmm

help me please

how do I change for the better?

difficult tym after breakup