So in short you guys were living together, one day a fight happened, he left saying his self respect was hurt.?
actually not a single fight but a lot of fights day by day...
of I may ask, what were you guys fighting about
understanding issues, may b compatibility... but we can't live without each other
like he always sees my fault but not his
you're saying he never admit his mistakes but always points out yours
yes almost every time
and says that he is hurt when I am hurt too ...
Ah. sounds just like my relationship
Anyway, after a fight who talks first?
most of the time it's me
sometimes he initiates.. but mostly bcoz he thinks it's my fault. so he plays a victy
Oh. can you give me one example of the fight n how it started
have you tried talking to him about it when he's calm?
example as in like we have money issues . i am earning he is finding job, so he always thinks that i have money attitude when I don't have any . i did everything for him but then also he expects me to do more.... ....... so if I say that i have done this or done that for you.... he says that i am showing attitude
okay. I understood.
he doesn't understand that he triggers me to say so .... he just sees my answers.... den he left me that i am showing attitude if he is living with me and i am earning
so what can be done to make him understand
you also said that it's similar to yours .... are u also having issues
ha his ego got hurt. I feel like he's quick tempered, is that so?
yess he is short tempered
but what about me... if I keep on listening to his tantrums then also i am the bad person, if i answer him to make him realise then also i am the bad one
well yes it is kinda similar, but sadly I'm ur bf type
you are not a bad person. don't blame yourself
that i understand . but how can I make him realise
I saw your post and kinda reminded me of what she used to say to me. hence I replied.
I realized it after she told me only
i did everything for him but still it's not enough .. and den one small answer to him and he plays victim card
how u realised??
i have tried everything
how long has he been out of job for?
actually he is trying for govt job... so it's taking time
no income rn?
nope... but i am earning so I have a flat and all the facilities for us
ok so hear me out, I'm not blaming u or supporting him, so the guy doesn't have job, has to live w gf on her money and considering his character from what you have told he's been feeling guilty of being burden to u, and the frustration of not finding job increases by the day, then the other person actually points out that they're leeching of of them then if you were in that position will you get angry sad or will you let it slide?
as long as he doesn't find a job, the frustration will keep on piling up and more fights will occur.
i totally agree.. but do u think it's ok for me.... if he is not finding job and i am supporting him in every way... then also if he blames me for everything... is it correct for me...?? uptill when I have to bear that .. it hurts me too....
Out of curiosity, in what way he blames you?
as i already told u like in money issues.. or like in some matters he thinks i have attitude....
is he an introvert type?
but u tell me if someone always tells u that you have not done enough for me... then uptill when u will listen... someday u will say that i have done this for u... and just on that day i am the bad person
yes . we both are introvert type...
yes you have told money issues, I was asking in what way, like does he say u spend too much on other stuff or something like that
no... he says i don't spend on him enough...
what about you
I don't know why he says that you don't do enough for him. As far as I see from what you told, you take care of him and support him. Maybe he's taking you and your love for granted that he's not seeing all this
so are you guys together??? what did ur gf told you to make u realise
doesn't spend on him enough? bruh. he should be spending for you.
no not granted.. but i think he is not mature enough to understand me
yeah.. but his point is at some time he will earn and then he is gonna spend on me endlessly..... so why do I can't.... i believe in saving money...
i think it's too complicated
you tell me what about your issues
us? it's complicated. our issue was never about this. yes we did have our fair share of fights. but the reason she wanted to break up was the caste difference. her family was from a higher one. n I'm an obc category guy.
whatt..... same is with me.. my guy is also once but i can't think my life away from him.... this can't be the reason
We got into fight one day. She started crying, said that I don't see my mistakes, I felt bad seeing her cry, after that I try not to say anything mental. But there were times when my mental words were taken in diff way than I intended them to be.
i don't know where God has intended other plans.... so things can't get sorted ...
Ha. Dk. She said her family believes in pure bloodline. So her family will give her off to a Rajput guy only
how much time has been passed after breakup...
Haan. Savings is also important.
hmmm may be in rajput .. they are strict
Our breakup is also very much complicated. She broke up with me last Sunday. But we were together and all over each other this Sunday. So idk what's happening anymore
so it's great. bcoz where there is love people can't be seperated....
Haan. Her father is really strict about bloodline and caste
Well we're still breaking up. She did say that after making out.
same is with us.... we can never be seperated... yes we fight a lot but still I try and then we get along
what.... doesn't she has feelings.... sorry to say but you should stop her getting close to u .. as u will be left behind in feelings
just try to make out that ur gf is really sad breaking up with u or just using u to make her happy
Ha. Usually when we fight we both will b kinda really wild in bed, and she'd bite and scratch me like a cat, taking out her frustration and anger, I'll bite her too. We'd both be having lot of marks over us when it's over. My lips, back, chest and thighs are all still hurting coz of her scratches.
ohhh but what's the use... if she is still leaving you
We usually let out our anger or sadness like this. Idk maybe it's a weird thing to do. But that's just us.
yes every couple is different
but still if she is leaving u then try not to get close to her as u will always be left from where u started.....
I really really want to be with her, if it was anything else I could've tried to change. but how am I supposed to change the caste I'm born into
Mm. I know.
Anyway how did you get to know about this app?
you have got only one option to marry her against parents.... no other option ....
bcoz i was having anxiety issues after so much fight... so I searched for something to calm me down...
Ah. that I can't do. she loves her parents. I won't be able to forgive myself if a rift happens between them cause of me
see... people have to choose sometimes.... bcoz u both have a whole life to spend together..... in my family too.... same caste difference happened... but my sister was strict that she will marry that guy only..... or else she will not marry ..
Anyway when you both are calm, try talking it out. It would've been good if he does a job while searching for a govt job rather than sitting jobless. that way he can support you too and he will have less guilt of leeching of you(if he's having guilt)
how's everything between your sister and your family now? means she got married?
then my family made her wait for 2 years.. they all tried to change her mind.. but she did not change... then lastly family accepted their marriage
another sister of mine also did love marriage.. family was not convinced for caste difference... but she still did court marriage... family did not talked to her for 3 years .. but then they started calling her home after her son was born....
so point is people change.. but you two have a whole life... girl has to spend with husband not with parents....
Ha. But she won't be able to go against her parents. She's scared of how her relatives will talk about her parents saying "Their daughter married a guy from a low caste" and look at them with pity and mock them. She's scared of that
then try to earn a lot of money and make a good fortune so that your girl can proudly say that what's with the cast, he is so rich...
By the way what's your job type?
Hmm. My current earnings are not much.
Whoah. Which branch of doc?
mbbs .. i am in government job as a medical officer...
what's your job
I'm a research fellow under DBT.
I know. It ain't much of a job. I'm trying to go abroad for my PhD, Currently doing this to earn some money.
so in ur case also you have to judge that if your girl can convince her parents or not .. if she can't then it will be good to distant yourself...
where is ur bf now? still in flat ?
it's nice whatever you do .... just i was saying bcoz i have seen marriages in my home....
nope.. that's why I was asking... how to make him realise....
Mm. Anyway it was kinda nice talking to you.
That he can only realize once his head cools down
Mee too.... sometimes talking to someone without being judged feels nice....
rn his ego is hurt too much
i know... but my ego is hurt too.... this time I will also not bow down...
so it will take a while for him to calm down and think from your pov or listen to you. whatever you say now will just either get him more angry or would just fly over his head
hmm. it's okay, he should come back to you too, it won't be good if you are the only one who's always going back to him
I feel his ego is hurt, as a man you need to provide for your woman you love and when you fail to do that it hurts your man ego and it outburts as anger, give him time guys always come back
And no, don't call or message him, guys miss their women in absence
if you always keep going to him, he will always expect you to be just there , men are chasers they like to chase their women let him always come to you, hold your ground and when he comes back ask him how he is feeling and say sorry if anything you said bothered him but you never ever meant to hurt him and everything will be fine don't worry