Think practically, science has a definition of love and it's the amount of oxytocin released when you are with someone. At this age, it's mostly infatuation and it's not the kind of love that you're thinking about. The fictional world, movies, novels etc will fool you. Don't get into this trap. It's all psychological. As long as you know what you're doing is wrong you have a chance of saving yourself from this.
One more thing, you seem to have the pain stored up within you and with that pain, you can fuel your life, take it as a challenge and do well in your studies and build a good career. Someday you will realise that the things that you worried about were not even a thing to worry about. I hope it helps.