people who are needlessly patronizing are usually deflecting things they are insecure about on others...most of the time, they reflect their frustrations about their person on someone else, in an effort to avoid thinking about their shortcomings. Of course, this is no justification to do what they do, but hopefully with this in mind you can feel a bit better and ignore their mean comments.

Actually your mother is right. You sound victimising yourself,. see you need to understand there are different type of people with different mindset, particularly in India people are so different that every person faces this issue particularly in teenage or before marriage. The solution is stop thinking about what people feel, you became modern bcz your parents are somewhat different from your relatives, may be there are people who find you as narrow minded. As a part of growing up people will give you lots of suggestions. You can just make them happy for a while,. for example is they want you to wear suit then do it as they will be there for a while rest of the time nobody will be there to interfere. they will be happy as well as your parents. if you want to live life your way stop focusing on what people think you try to be yourself without blaming others.