childhood abuse and unfulfilled relationship
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Hey, I am 22 years old. I enjoy being independent. I have been through a lot in my life. I am tired of everything around me. Since I was a child I have been through physical abuse which affected me mentally. I have moved on but the strain is still in my mind. All I ever wanted was love and care. And when I finally fell in love for the first time 2 years ago, everything was beautiful for the first year. But later a lot of issues started between me and him. He doesn't allow me to live my life on my terms. He wants me to live on terms and conditions set by him. I am suffering from this torture for 1 year. Everything is painful. This guy whom I love selflessly questions my love, character, and everything when he is angry. He fights with me when I don't follow the rules which he has made for me. Or should I say orders :( 😞 If I do something of my choice which is making me happy and which he may not like then also he blames me. He threatens me if I don't behave in the way that he wants me to behave. I feel he has anger issues or else he is obsessed with me because in his anger he abuses me, my love, and says a lot of bad and vulgar words that are not acceptable. I am very much scared of this person. When I communicate these things with him he says that what he does is a reaction to what I did, Basically the the exact words are, "Mene tumko bola tha ye mt karo toh kyu kia esa. Jb pata hai mujhe nai pasand to kyu gussa dilati ho" Matlab jo chize mujhe pasand hai aur use nahi to me uske hisb se apni zindagi to nahi badal sakti na and also use jo sahi lgtae wo zaruri nahi mujhe bhi sahi lage to me kyu follow karungi use. Why can't people accept things when they don't work in their favor? He is violating my boundaries. Yes, I have loved him but after all this, I can't stay with a person who is toxic to me. I genuinely care for him now also because when I Leave him or he leaves me then also he threatens me :( The pain keeps on adding as I am not healed from a lot of things which has happened to me in past. I'm getting so weak that sometimes I feel I should leave everything and follow this person because I love him and he loves me but this is untrue as he might love me but I am very much clear that he doesn't understand me and respect me.

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