confused and hurt in relationship

Question

My boyfriend and I constantly fight. but over stupid little things and he punishes me by not talking to me and he tells me he loves me but when I'm sobbing my heart out because he has hurt me, he calls me selfish and that I'm trying to guilt trip him but I can't control my emotions. I just need him to be there. it hurts so much because I would do absolutely anything for him but I am not good enough. he tells me he doesn't want to lose me and in hurting him and I try and fix it but he always takes it out on me. I hate myself so much for hurting him but I don't mean to but I'm so hurt. is it supposed to be limw thus? he makes jokes that hurt me and I can't get upset about them. he swears at me and says it's a joke. I don't know what to do.

farshy756 · Answer

Hi

daisymae · Answer

hi

farshy756 · Answer

What things do you and your boyfriend fight about?

daisymae · Answer

I'm not allowed to joke around or tease him the way he teases me. like for example he often says 'you don't love me' and that hurts me alot because I love him more than anything in this world. if I say it though its the end. he will hang up the call on me and tell me he doesn't want to speak the next day. he then mocks me and makes fun of my explanation and claims that all I do is make excuses.

farshy756 · Answer

Have you told him that his behaviour hurts you? And you wish for him to stop doing this.

daisymae · Answer

many times. but it freaks him out. he told me that I mustn't be so serious its just a joke after all. and I mustn't take everything to heart. like he logger into tinder right after we had sex and showed me all the girls that he could match with and who had matched with him. when I got upset and told him to delete it he claimed that his brother is using it because he is too young to be on there but then why the fudge do you show your girlfriend or even go onto it?

farshy756 · Answer

Is this behaviour of his very common?

daisymae · Answer

yeah he always tells me that it doesn't mean anything and that he loves me but yeah

farshy756 · Answer

See I might sound rude but you should break up with your boyfriend, he is doing everything he wants without caring about your feelings and he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself while trying to outshine himself by making excuses whenever you confront him about his behavior.

daisymae · Answer

no you aren't being rude at all. I get what you mean completely.  I agree and I want that so much. I'm just so scared to

farshy756 · Answer

Why are you scared?

daisymae · Answer

because I love him and I'm scared to lose him. he means so much to me and I'm really worried that I won't be able to find someone who will treat me right. I mean what if this is the best ill ever get?

abjecttomatoe4 · Answer

then daisyme  u are ready to continuing hurt ur feelings

abjecttomatoe4 · Answer

u will find some one better I wish

abjecttomatoe4 · Answer

but my advise u to don't leave in such a toxic relationship.His behaviour hurts u daily and I think he never change his behaviour.

rrkk · Answer

this is exactly my story

rrkk · Answer

see when the things get too complicated it's better not to overthink and try to get urself busy... i too hv a bf like this.... it hurts me too for some things... but i too can't leave him....

abjecttomatoe4 · Answer

one thing remember boys  treat u like shit until u blames her .

abjecttomatoe4 · Answer

And breakup with him.

abjecttomatoe4 · Answer

I  am living in this situation

rrkk · Answer

so what i am trying to do is not to take him seriously and think of myself more... don't just get too indulge .. start doing things for yourself.. and let me tell u this start covering your emotions... don't show that to him everytime... this will make u loose... start showing some change in behaviour and if he notices tell him that you are tired... and when the time is right discuss things with him peacefully

rrkk · Answer

@abejecttomatoe4     breakup is always not an option.... for some who has dreamt a future with them... I can understand bcoz i am also living like this

abjecttomatoe4 · Answer

but it not means that living in such a toxic relationship

rrkk · Answer

yeah but what if someone gets toxic after marriage... so people would be divorcing everyone.....,??        i understand your point... but sometimes I relationship there are a lot of conditions, a lot of hard times.... if the other person loves genuinely then u can make efforts but yeah if other person is just using u then it's time to walk out

farshy756 · Answer

Getting yourself busy and avoiding the issue will not solve it. You should keep yourself self-respect before anything. Love is necessary but if a person is not respecting your boundaries  and making you insecure about yourself, then there is no love in the relationship, there is just ego and pride and it's always better to cry in the present after losing these people then to feel regret in the future after being hurted by them for so long. if you don't take stand for yourself today, tomorrow other will take your advantage.

daisymae · Answer

that's very true. its hard but in the end you have to choose yourself. thank you so much for your advice I appreciate it 😊

am I dumb I'm 18

my bf says

My bf betrayed my trust