I'm so confused with me and my feelings nowadays. Especially towards my dad. I have this hatred for him in my heart that I just can't get rid of. He made my childhood a hell, but also I can't help but to feel guilty because I feel this way. He is sweet sometimes, but when I remember what he did to me and my mom, I can't bring myself to be nice with him.. I can't help but notice how everytime I'm in the same room as him I always get nervous and I feel like I have to cry. I don't know what to do. I feel sad, guilty, mad, these feelings sometimes get the best of me and I just lay in my bed rethinking my whole life again and again. I feel like I'm so fucked up and the only thing I can do to escape this is taking my life. I'm tired