depressed because difficult life circumstances and unhealthy relationship with husband
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im 26 now....i had a boyfriend but we joined in different colleges..we had no means of contact and we only met once in first year of college. during end of the year,a new neighbour came opp to our house and he eemed like he was interested in me... his sweet talks and assurance that he is there for me started to create feelings in me and i got into relationship with him...My bf had to know about this from someone else....we started dating and i come from such a family where im not allowed to use a phone...i used to take phone from my father saying i need to study from it or i need alarn to wake up early this happened for few days and they caught me when i was on call..now no phone..no way to contact him.. he joined same college but different building...he is 2years back off with his studies..im in higher class than him...we used to talk after coming to college and before leaving college.we used to travel by college bus but we cant talk there either. he used to abuse me, that i cant even have a phone and he was very angry if someone else talk to me... i was going through depression and i was thinking he loves me so much that he cant live without me.... before my last semester started i married him without my parents consent... i regret making this decision even now....his parents supported us and they helped us to marry....the day after the marriage i met a new person in my husband...he was no more the super obsessed man who used to cry for me, he was my husband now and i dont know him now.....what happened in that one day.... he wants me,he will come to me AT NIGHT but he is with his phone all day....he dropped out of college...my parents didnt accept us....my dad still doesnt allow my husband to come home....i had a semester left to graduate. i begged and borrowed money from my mother for my graduation. my husband is busy with his own chores. he doesnt have a job...what am i supposed to do now? I went to blore in search of a job with my husband...his brother followed... i got a job and we rented a house...my husband still the same.we came home for festival and my husband was busy enjoying with his friends...this was going on for 7months..i was very frustrated and i confronted him and i was very angry....i literallyheld his collar infront of his parents... his parents didnt listen to the problem...they were blaming my job..because she has a job and she is earning she is like this... dont let her go back to the job..let her stay here and do house chores...i convinced them anyhow and went back but i lost my job...i couldnt get a job anywhere else..i kept on trying...my husband started going on a daily wage job...i used to cook, take care of house....when i had an interview i would borrow money and go out..i would run out of money and stand on the road not understanding what to do...i faced many problems...my husband left the job..now i was going to far away places for interview and they wanted me to relocate..i rejected many offers like this...later i relocated when i got a good job...now i was in night shift..go to office in the evening..come back morning...my brother in law was staying with us...i helped him get a job from my cousin ..i had a huge fight with my husband bcoz he wasnt working and i had to take care of everything...after the fight, he left me and cameback to his mother..after a week he came back and joined in an office... his brother left the job..he was staying in home now...due to my shift, i couldnt manage house well and used to order takeouts..sometimes i would tell my brother in law to but something for himself and i used to go back to sleep....one day he didnt have food and he went to nearby relatives house..they fed him and called his mother to telk that im not feeding him and that they should come here and take care of their kids....they shifted with us...i should give 75% of my salary to them....after 2-3 months,i was pregnant and before the confirmation my husband and i were having fights...he used to stay up late from work go early..bring the work home...i used to constantly argue for this.. after confirming i was expecting a baby,nothing changed..ialso had kidney stones that time..i was having a stomach pain and he didnt take me to hospital..we fought that day and it extended till our divorce..we were ready to get divorced..they urged my mom to come to blore and take me away..again my job was at stake..i didnt go to office..i was pregnant..i was going throughso many things..i wanted to divorce and get rid of the baby..or keep the baby without a father..but i couldnt ..i wanted my baby to have a father..so i went back..still no care...for first time hospital visit they were there...i was forced to leave my job...but i was adamant that i need my relieving letter atleast...i again went back to work...now im alone taking care of everything...hospital expenses,my medicines,fruits and even food. i used to have all three meals in my office cafeteria..my workplace had many advantages for pregnant ladies..i spent my 25% money on this..i couldnt work efficiently so my pay has also become less..i didnt save anything apart from pf.. i took maternity leave at end of seventh month of my pregnancy assuring that ill be back..my mom and dad took care of everything before and after baby was born...1 day my inlaws visited in hospital with two set of clothes..nothing after that .i came back to inlaws in third month of baby,my milk stopped..i had lots of medicines and it again started..i wanted to ho back to work but no...no one to take care of us..my husband lost his job again..once in a month i used to come back to moms place...buy clothes for baby,every necessary item.... pandemic you know all lives were the same..we were thankful atleast we had food to eat.. i tried for wfh jobs but no luck my baby is 2 now and we came back to our hometown leaving bangalore...my husband has a stickering shop which helps him afford his cigarettes..yes you heard it right..my husband has not even bought me a pair of sandals..while he was working,his salary goes to his father...he is not working i cant say anything...this is my life

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