i am spinster.age 35. in 2018 i got involved with a girl. she was my first gf. i always scare to be dumped, so never i had relationships in my life before. she showed me enough red flags starting of our relationship. but i couldn't give her up. coz i was aging and i didn't had anyone. so i stayed committed and loyal with her. after one year when i start my job she complained for not giving her enough time. at the same time she got involved with another girl and left me for her. it's been 3 year. we finally broke the relationship in jan 2020. and after 4 days i lost my mother too. then i fell into depression. i reached out to her just to have someone to talk. coz i dont had frnds too. i am lonely girl all my life. in those 3 year whenever i felt lonely, depressed i message her and vent out all my anger on her. till now i still feel guilty. and still want to talk to her. i have stopped talking to her since jan 2022. coz i know she isn't the same person i loved. what should i do now?