depression and self blaming because of abusive father
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Hi , I have a really messed up life. My parents are divorced and I live with my father who is abusive both physically and emotionally. I've tried to reason with him but it only leads up to more abuse. I have been to many schools but an introvert, I've never had too many friends . I felt really alone and fell into alcohol addiction . I nearly died once and eventually had to take therapy. Recently I got a girlfriend who is really supportive but she will have to leave town for college after a few months . I still have a year of school left so I'm stuck here . I fear I'll get lonely again once she is gone and again fall into some addiction. I want to make something productive out of my life but I don't know how to. I keep blaming myself for everything that goes wrong around me. I cannot concentrate on my studies due to anxiety . Hence my grades suffer. I want to make my father proud but he wants me to go to the army and I do not want to do it nor do I have the neccessary qualifications. I do not know what I'm doing with my life. I feel lost , confused , scared and overwhelmed. I need to make a breakthrough but I just cannot find any positivity. I need help .

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