What does it mean that since I was under10 I started to get depressions,anxiety,panic-attacks&a strange feeling of not wanting to be alene.Even though I have been living in hell all my life.With drugs&alcohol-abuse,violence,abuse in every single way&I have a little Sister who's mama's angel and a big Brother who's the golden Child,the firstborn.But me,I wasn't suppose to be born-it was a mistake she did when she had a one-night-stand she told me.But if I hadn't been born they would be fucked because I had to be the adult&even watch my mom&stepfather in case they overdosed.But I was the only one of the Child who was used and had to do everything the adults was supposed to, take care of everyone,I couldn't find myself any food 'cause then I got in trouble,whatever my point is I started having depressions as a Child,suicide thoughts and cutted myself at 11year&through my whole life I've gotten heavier depressions,more often&have many many suicide attempts.But how can I Make it go away?