difficult childhood and depression
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I am an 18 year old girl. A student. My parents relationship have always been rough since my birth. I have spent kinda a lot lot of time with my maternals because of this. I was 5 when i saw my parents for the Ist time. Due to some reasons before that we weren't staying together. I was with nana nani. Now it's been real long I have been with my parents but I couldn't build up that sort of relation with them. It's messy. They fight a lot and their fight scars me at times. I can't sleep the whole night when they fight. I can't talk to them about it. They don't like me interfering in their matters. But it doesn't feel good to be here. I want to go back to my maternals but that's not possible. Also a month before I started talking to a guy and it was kinda good in the starting, I started liking him but then something happened and everything vanished I don't feel like Talking to him talking to him anymore. I realised it's not just with him. I have had a lot of temporary friendships from my childhood till date but there isn't anyone whom I can relay on completely. I lose interest in people with some time when we start coming close. And there is always a weird fear in me whenever i talk to a new person that this isn't gonna end well. A small argument disturbs me a lot, the fear of that small argument getting into a huge fight is always there. And i don't like fights. It's getting worse everyday. I posted this few weeks back and no satisfactory response was recieved. People asked me that if i have anyone else than my parents to talk to. If i would have anyone, off course I won't come here and post this here. Still i replied to that in the comments and no answer was recieved. I Fucking don't have anyone else to talk to. Now what? after few comments of 'everything will be alright' I will be standing on the very same point i was and there is no difference at all.this isn't of any help. Once again all the hopes is gone. I liked that guy and thought with your help i might build a healthy friendship atleast but I guess it's just not in my fate.

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