you matter, don't underestimate yourself at all.

Hey. First of all, you do matter. You might not be able to recall now those moments when you felt important and loved. But I'm sure you have had such moments. Then, about being selfish and selfless, I feel there's nothing wrong with putting yourself before others. Ultimately, we have to focus on ourselves for our growth. Healthy friendships and relationships respect our personal boundaries and support our growth. So I don't think you have to be completely selfless in order to be loved. Your selfishness becomes a problem only if you are purposefully hurting someone or knowingly behaving in an insensitive way. Otherwise, it's okay to be a little selfish. It's difficult to find that perfect balance between self love and love for others. But we all are learning things as we grow and we will figure out how to be compassionate to others without compromising on ourselves. I would say it's enough if you are not purposely doing anything to hurt anyone. You will connect with people who can work with your boundaries.