When I was a kid. I saw my mama trying to hang herself. And I don't have any idea what's going on. Then, when I was 10 my parents fights. And like what I've expected my mama will do the same thing. She pulled out the antenna wire at the back of our tv. And trying to do the same, then at same age. She drunk a lot of medicine trying to kill herself again. It traumatised me, then. When I was in high-school. I dreamed about my mama killed right in front of me. Even it's just a dream it hits me alot. Then twice and trice same situation. Killing my mama right in front of me. Anyway, seems I grew up with fears and traumatic scenarios. And I don't like it. Every night im always crying, without sound. And all by myself. No one knows. I'm dealing with this for 15 yrs I guess. :( I'm 25 now. Sigh

Have you tried talking to your mom about how u feel. Also for her if she wants to live like this forever. If she is not happy with her marriage or somethg

I think you should tell her that you don’t want to lose her and she should live for you guys. She is important to you.

Thanks guys. Yeah I told my mama many times that one. But I don't know why she's treating my father like there's nothing happend but my father isn't like that. I never see my mama happy with my papa since before marriage that what she said. And almost every-day telling us about her ex bf. She's so happy while telling us their story but I never see mama happy telling us a story about my father with her. Seems, always a nightmare. But I don't get it. I don't understand why mama staying by his side when he's treating my mama like a shit. Looking at my mama every-day. You can how lonely she it. And it breaks my heart. But if you guys asking me who would I choose to be with. Ofcourse my mama. She's so strong and I really appreciate it. Her unconditional love to us. Is amazing she's a strong woman. But i never feel love towards my papa. Sigh. I hope you guys have an amazing family. Unlike me. But I'm happy with my mama and brother. Sigh don't know. Makes my head hurts.

Let me tell you guys my childhood with my father. But before that, I'm the eldest and I have 2 brothers. The other one is already married and the last one is still in college with us. When I was a kid. Like 7 , being a kid is amazing playing with your friends and laugh together. Everytime we did mistake, he's always hitting us with wire, water Hose, wood, hanger, Broom and don't know if it's a worst but my father hit me a plate on my head . It's not the glass type but a plastic one but it breaks a part. My brothers so it. But we can't do anything we're just a kid the only thing we can is to cry silently. The scenario it this. It's night too dark, since we don't have electricity. Just a candle and (we're eating on the floor)we're quiet preparing food and put it on the floor then silently breathing like it's our fault that we're breathing. Then, he gets home in a bad mood and he get the plate and hit me on the head right away. And we're on shocked but my tears fall down. I cried silently while eating my brothers just staring at me. Then everytime we get home late. We get hited every part of the body and kneel down. Until I lose a 1 Buck mama's money. I receive a too strong slap and fell down and one slap again. And I was like, it's just a money. Seems I want to died instead having that one all my life but I can't leave my mama. Tell me guys, do you think I'm just over reacting or it's really a traumatic thing. I don't know what to think tho. It's not just that huh. It's many more but I don't think you guys can still read this. :'(