feeling of being burden to family
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I'm afraid to be myself. I'm afraid of men because of some childhood experiences. Now, because of these two things I forgot what I am and what I really love. I chose my studies which my parents recommended , but I don't know what I am really interested in. I didn't score well in my college entrance examinations. I knew that I could have done it better , but the environment was not that good in my place, I felt like caged . I was not able to see even the sun in 2 years . Our schedule was to be in class from dawn to night which was so stressful. I'm not blaming but it doesn't suit me. Later , I joined clg, I started feeling as a good start ,but whenever I feel to study I started feeling anxious. I started deeling like whatever I study I'm gonna feel. I started acting with very low self esteem, I started hating myself. I tried to tell my parents about it but asusual they can't understand it. Once I went to consult a psychologist with my friend, they gave me some medicine. But I didn't take it, because when my cane to know that I went to psychologist they started seeing me with more concern and care. They treated me like sick person. So I started lieing that I'm okay. But I'm not okay, sometimes I even think of ending my life, but I also its cowardness. I used to be one of te best student in my school ,now I'm feeling very bad. I just want myself back. Im trying a lot by making some good habits like having a pet and all. IT HELPS TO control not get out of it.Sometimes I'm becoming more angry, when someone praises me or say good about me. If someone uses words like exam, low,bad, worst ...I'm becoming more angry. So, to not hurt others I'll leave the place. Once I was about to hit a person. I do know what's wrong about me, but All time I feel like a burden to my parents and apoeple around me. It is hurting like a physical pain. Please help me to get out of this!

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