Guilt of turning into a different person
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I need someone to tell me what's wrong with me. I don't know how to change. Some people may be angry reading this but I need to tell someone. My bf lied to me about being married and having a child. He was separated from his wife and told me he got no kids with her. At the time he was still chasing me for almost 2 years because he really liked me. I found out he lied and is separated and got a child. Seeing that his wife knew about me now and they got a divorce. I forbade him from talking to his child and even sending money. I feel like i have become something I am not. My father abandoned me and sent no money, not even for my birthday. I go off when he sends his child a small amount of money and I take all his money. Why have I become so evil and money hungry. Why do i compare myself to his child and screams at him saying my father never sent me anything and tells him he is my father now and he should take care of me. My bf is an idiot and does not call his child because it affects me badly. I told him it is his fault because he lied about having a son. I did tell him before if he got kids then I would never accept him or the kid because i have no kids. I had no heart towards the child and even told him to do a dna test because the child doesn't look like him. I also told his ex wifes family that the child isn't his. Why have I grown into such a horrible human being? I feel like I'm in a competition with the child and if he sends more money to his child than gives me then I fall apart and always talk about how my father abandoned me. My father abandoning me has affected my life badly. I grew up poor and men has always tried to take advantage because of his absence. I absolutely despise my father. Why am I behaving so evil and heartless? Can someone tell me because I feel like God will punish me and I will lead a bitter life for what I am doing but I can't stop myself from being so horrible. I use to be a sweet, soft, loving girl but I have turned into a heartless person who only loves money. I think it's because men have only used me and wasted my time time passing with me. Please don't judge. I need genuine help into identifying the issues I have so I can work on becoming a better person and not an emotional wreck.

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