I'm just so tired. since childhood my life has been one very large and very intense trauma. I wish I were exaggerating. sometimes I wish this was all a lie that I've been telling everyone and myself but it's not. the pain and memories I carry are truly unbearable. I've tried talking to everyone and I've seen many doctors. the life that I live today is good but the way I feel inside is not. I have many friends and people who support me. I'm not alone and it's not like I'm not trying. all I've done since my childhood is try and heal from this. It's never going to happen. I'm turning 25 soon and I don't want this anymore. I wish I had someone who could help me do it and wouldn't make me feel bad about wanting to die. I need someone to tell me to let go. I just want this to be over. I know that maybe things could get better later on. but I also don't even care if that happens anymore. life isn't precious and it's gonna end someday anyway. nobody will remember me soon and ill just be another dead animal in the ground. all I'm saying is that people will say "it gets better" but for some of us, it never will. I just wish someone had been honest with me when I was younger so I could have saved myself all of this pain.