I...I am scared. I know everyone is saying that 2023 might be better but I think...no I fear it might be my last. I am in 12th and have no confidence that I will pass my boards...and after disappointing everyone all through 2022 I can't...I won't be able to see the disappointment in their eyes! I would rather choose to die! AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART! THE WORST PART IS I AM NOT EVEN TRYING! Imstead of studying I am watching series, playing games, or just sleeping! WHY THE HELL WON'T I TRY TO HELP MYSELF!? WHY I AM SELF-DESTRUCTING!? I don't want to fail, I don't want to die but WHY CAN'T I STOP MYSELF!? EVERY DAY I Say- "Today I will study" but end up watching a whole series! PLEASE GIVE ME ANYTHING! I DO NOT WANT TO DISSSAPONT MY MOM! Please help me from self-destructing myself, PLEASE!