firstly, I am sorry for your loss. secondly here is my suggestion give yourself time if you're still mourning your loss. Talk to someone about everything in your mind rn. let it all out. im here to listen if you need anyone to talk to but as long as you get everything out. And please remember you are valuable and your life is in your hands. You decide your destiny and your happiness. don't hold anything in or battled up and you must know that yes death is scary every one of us fears death no one truly knows what or when or how it just comes. But you've made it this far and that's bravery. keep breathing practice and avoid triggers. Read affirmations and do something that makes you smile... And my advice for the thoughts are if you wanna stop thinking about it surrounding yourself with a loving and caring environment will help.

I ve been through the same situation ...even had to call an ambulance couple of times because I was about to lose consciousness and I lived alone ....I swear just remembering the hell I was living in for like 2to 3 months makes me cry....no matter what u''ve been through remember that Ur father (rest in peace) will never be happy to know that Ur treating Urself harshly ...be easy on Urself...well thinking of death doesn't make us immortal so why go keep urself under the pressure of "what if I die " "what if someone I loved died" ...I'd recommend u to ask for professional help ...I hadn't the luxury to do that ...but if I got a chance I would've done it.. if u live alone always have a friend to call when u feel that u'll start panicking ..at least having someone besides u keeps u safe .....all I can do is pray for u to get passed this struggle

I have similar feelings this is even I need help.. I am screaming out loud inside but no one is ready to hear it

I'm sorry for your loss. but it's better if you consult a professional regarding this. they'll definitely help you get over this and I promise it will all be okay after some days