even my brother gave priority to other people than me...because of which i started behaving as if he dosent matter to me..but he matters to me alot.... I was very small when he went out for studies abd since then he just came for vacation...we both dont know anything about each other....but it still hurts to think that he doesnt like me and doesnt even pay attention to me...not even in house as well as outside in front of other people.... i feel very bad and hurt when this happens....i pretend to be indifferent but whenever such thought comes across my mind I am not able to control my emotions and i cry alot.....I know he went out at the age of 16 for his studies and his life was not easy...but still why he thinks of me as a useless person and never bothers about me....not only him....my friends whom i considered my best friends or even good friends ditched me for othet friends....why does it always happen with me....

To cope up with this...i always maintain distance with people and i never get too involved with them unless i feel that they also want to be my friend....even after this if i feel excluded i just distance myself from others and move on....but i cant do this everytime...especially in case of my brother....even though i dont know a single thing about him and he went for studies when i wqe just 9 and i dont remember much...but still he is my brother i want to tease him, have fun with him, talk to him, hangout with him.....but nothing og this happens...when he came back last time i.e in 2019 we were like strangers....we both eent for a movie and while waiting for the movie we were like complete strangers...none of use said anything...i didnt say anything because he always gets irritated with me...so i just keep my distance from him and never approach him...but still i feel bad and i dont know why even thinking of him makes me cry .....

i never had good friends in my life....even in school, college...nowhere.. I have 2-3 individual friends and i am always afraid of losing them...

Me and my brothet never talk....not face to face and not even on call....

what should i do to cope with these emotions and insecurities...

have you ever tried to initiate a conversation, with your brother? ever asked him about his life and his struggles?

Hey thanks for reaching out. Would you like to tell me what qualities matter to you in a friendship?

yup i tried to initiate conversation with my brother...but he would either ask our mom to get me out of my room or he would just do hmm...hmmm...

i want that atleast my friends keep me in their priority.... fo everyone i have always been the last option...

atleast once ....one of my friend choose me over the other

people always come to me when they have no one to go to...

i know i should not expect that others will priotize me....but atleast dont make me feel like i no lonher matter to you....

since i was in school everyone called me names like pakau hai yeh toh..... bahut pakkati hai yeh .... these all things had such a deep impression on me that i stopped speaking and just listened to others so that i can maintain friendship with them... i stopped speaking whats on my mind, what were my feelings because i was and i still am afraid that people will make fun of me...in front of me as well as behind my back.... i hate it now...literally hate it....if somebody says that tu pakka rhi hai....i just stop talking...i get angry....because i cant reply back as i feel that i might be too rude and they will get hurt and since i know how it feels i cant make fun of them...

because of this i always keep my guard up infront of everyone except my closed ones..

the thing i dislike the most is that people make fun of me if i say or do something but if the same thing is done by others they enjoy it and dont make fun of then

my self esteem has been shattered because of this.... i am always seeking validation of others...even if i feel confident if a negative comment comes ..it shatters....i always live in self doubt... whether my choice is good.. everything looks good on others but not me....

i had this feeling myself for a long period of time in my life. i think i still do at times. but as the time is going, i have come to realise that i should surround myself with people like me. who look good in me. and there have been many times in my life when i gave people love amd warmth but i didnt get the same treatment in return. but i think life will always give returns for our actions, if our actions were pure, full of love then will get it back in some way or the other at the right time from the right person. believe i have been through your phase as well. i always told my parents that i dont feel like as if i am a smart kid like todays generation. i felt like i was always made fun of. but my parents told me thats the best thing about you. this goodness, truthfulness is so rare these days. You shouldn't feel bad for what they do as far as you do it right by them. If they don't value you then maybe you need to shift your focus to something else, who does value you and doesn't make you any less precious than you already are.

always do good amd be good. dont forget to take care of yourself. always prioritize yourself. your karmas always come back always.

yup...i am working on that....hopefully i succeed in it

thank you so much for sharing your experience....it made me feel that its same as mine... and nade me realize that good things will happen

anytime💕