hi, you know sometimes if we try our bestest of bestest even, we cannot become what it is called the bestest version of ourselves...I am telling this from my experience...once we suffer from depression or anxiety or stress...the path to fight with it is too much difficult...someday we feel we will overcome it but next day we ended up doing silly mistakes which a normal person would not do..I don't want to generalise it for anyone...it's purely my experience...that in this fight , even if happiness comes..it comes with a fear that this much of happiness will surely attract some big misery...I had experienced this ....I guess my fight with myself to start doing self love will soon ends...as I am tired now fighting with it daily.. and someone said right that ending is a new beginning..I don't know how it will happen as I even fear of harming myself..I can't see myself in even small pain... maybe I will write a new post of positivity but this fighting now is tiring me very much