idk what's the reason behind it like there r so many things to be bothered about

4 years back i had this " best friend" who ditched me for her online frnds who backstabbed her and later she blamed everything on me played the victim role and stuff.. later i was having fun with my frnd where i kinda said or pretend to be drunk so one the her frnds was there he informed her and.. trust me told my mum about it when i wasn't home and some lies too. I got to kn about it from some other frnd present there. It's might sound dumb and childish but i trusted her more than myself my parents my boyfriend i choose her over everything and then she showed me how replaceable i was...

I can understand but i was too innocent and a child to understand back then before her every frnd i had somehow ditched me ok it's was hard i felt ugly bullied teased and pathetic i couldn't take it resulted me to cut myself hate myself and idk what more worse

it's fine to me honestly i found a guy who really helped me recover I'm dating him atm but the fact that we broke up once for my ex ( the guy who i chose my ex best friend over ) and we got together but made me feel disgusting honestly

but i think I'm becoming very toxic to him... like i stoped being emotionally sensetive care much...

it's hard for me to do so cuz i too hurt him enough due to my unstablelity he knows but idk if i should be trying my best to the same again