I started feeling hopeless again, I lost some money because of my stupidity and I don't even want to talk to anyone anymore, I always want to stay home, Hurt myself
lonelybitch
I can't even concentrate on my studies
lonelybitch
no
lonelybitch
I hosted a party but due to some reasons, I had to cancel it, and advance booking is not refundable
lonelybitch
I didn't loose much but that much also matters to me
lonelybitch
okay so I'm 17, I'm in 12 class
lonelybitch
me and 2 other friends thought about hosting our unofficial farewell
lonelybitch
but we got in rivalry with other kids
lonelybitch
there was another party too, and they were forcing kids to come to theirs, blackmailing them
lonelybitch
that's why there weren't enough people in ours, we needed to pay 64,000 to the club
lonelybitch
and it looked like if we didn't cancel we'll suffer loss of atleast 20,000
lonelybitch
thats why we canceled
lonelybitch
yeah
lonelybitch
yes ik but my mother is a single parent
lonelybitch
and ik that we are not poor or anything but, she works sp hard to earn this money
lonelybitch
and I lost it because of my childishness
lonelybitch
leave it I'm over this now, I know how to save money now
lonelybitch
I'm not going to farewell, I'll save money by that
lonelybitch
but it would be like, agr Mai jati toh it would have cost atleast 1500, I'll save that much by not going atleast
lonelybitch
and I don't even want to go
lonelybitch
I don't like school anymore
lonelybitch
it used to be the place where I felt good, but it's not like that anymore
lonelybitch
I feel insecure, alone, sad in school
lonelybitch
I used to like it, even love
lonelybitch
see, my friendships never work out
lonelybitch
and I don't even trust anyone now
lonelybitch
I miss my friend, but I can't get her back
lonelybitch
and there was this male friend of mine, we were close I told him that i doubt if I was gay and he even helped me with that, then we went on school tour, we didn't talk there, after that tour we just stopped talking for no reason
lonelybitch
i asked him if something was wrong, he said no nothing, then next day I asked him something in school, them that was it
lonelybitch
we never talked after that
lonelybitch
I want to talk to him, I want that bond again, how do I do that?
lonelybitch
I don't think he even cares that I'm bisexual
lonelybitch
lonelybitch
but I don't understand why, did I do something?
lonelybitch
everything was fine before tour, even when we were going, in train we talked and had fun, idk what happened afterwards
lonelybitch
do u think maybe I should try talking to him normally, if he behaves normally then it's no prblm
lonelybitch
if he doesn't, I'll stop
lonelybitch
okayy
lonelybitch
you too. thankyou :)
lonelybitch
I texted him
lonelybitch
and realised I have lost him for real
lonelybitch
I miss him so much🥺
lonelybitch
I don't understand why, I didn't do anything
lonelybitch
yeah but he was the only one who was always there for me
lonelybitch
yeah your ex
lonelybitch
but you do have friends tho,right?
lonelybitch
oh
lonelybitch
it's not easy
lonelybitch
I'm too introvert
lonelybitch
yess thankyouuu:))
lonelybitch
you should try tho
lonelybitch
do you have any mental illness?
lonelybitch
or anxiety?
lonelybitch
okay
lonelybitch
yeah
lonelybitch
I have depression and borderline personality disorder
lonelybitch
I went to a therapist in the month of june
lonelybitch
I got treatment for a month them he told me to get medicines as therapy was not working but
lonelybitch
my mother didn't want mw to take the medicines so I stopped
lonelybitch
after that school reopened and I started feeling better but now it's same as before, kinda worse
lonelybitch
I can't do anything about it
lonelybitch
my mother won't let me take medicine
lonelybitch
idk if I'll be able to hold on till then lol
lonelybitch
I'm getting suicidal thoughts again
lonelybitch
yess
lonelybitch
thankyou
ButterflyX
unluckily not rare borderline personality and depression, not so rare may have both. sorry to hear struggleing with! what do you maybe wanna know or what maybe question or else may like talk about?