negative thoughts about self
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2015 ki baat hai, jab ik din main google kar rha tha. Achanak mere dimag main thought aaya or maine 'how to increase height search kiya' bahut sare result aaye or main search karta rha. Usme likha tha itane din mein height badhao yoga exercise etc. Mujhe bahut accha lga kyuki meri height kam thi. Maine usi time se soch liya main ye try karunga. Maine bahut mehnat bhi kiya or 5-6 month main hi meri height badh bhi gayi. Main bahut khush bhi ho gya. Meri khushi ka koi dhikana na rha. Main bahut khush tha lekin abhi bhi meri height mere friends se thodi kam thi main try karta rha. 2016 february main police form nikale jisme height criteria tha. Usse meri height thodi kam thi. Usi din mera friend aaya uski height complete thi. To maine apna aim bna liya ki mujhe bhi apni height itani to karni hi hai. Kyuki maine kuch dino pahale apni height badhyi thi. Ab maine din or raat sirf or sirf usi ke bare main sochna suru kar diya. Koi bhi kam karta sirf or sirf usi bare main sochna suru kar diya. Matlab har samay yoga exercise yoga etc usi bare main. Subah uthane se lekar sone tak bas yahi sochta rhta. Study karta to yahi sochta rhta. Koi bhi person agar mujhse tall hota to mujhe bahut bura lagta. Koi agar height ke bare main baat karta to mujhe bahut bura lagta yha tak ki main wha se chala jata tha . Or agar mujhse hi kah deta tumhari height bahut kam hai to mujhe bahut hi bura lagta. Sach main bahut bura lagta tha mujhe isa lagta tha ki maine jis cheez ke liye mehnat kiya. Or wahi mujhe nahi mila. Bahut jyada upset ho jata tha or running karta exercise karta dimag bahut kharab go gya tha bas kaise bhi kisi bhi keemat par apna aim pura karna tha mujhe (kisi bhi keemat par ) sapne bhi chalate the dimag mein ki agar ye sapna mera pura ho jata hain to mujhe bahut khushi milegi zindagi ka sabse khush din hoga meri life ka fir main kuch bhi kar sakta hu. Us doran jab jab koi khushi ka pal hota tha life mein jaise (goomne jana , kisi k birthday, koi festival etc ) ya to mujhe bahut kam khushi hoti thi ya fir maine apne aap se kahta abhi khush nahi hona height badh jayega tab khush hona hain. Bas har pal wahi khayal mere dimaag main wahi chalta rhta tha. Agar koi girls koi bat karti thi ya thoda intrest dikhati thi to mera man karta tha ki main usse bat karu par mer man kahta tha abhi nahi height increase hone ke bad. Kabhi kabhi mein sochta tha chodo yarr jo bagwan ne diya hai use accept karo. Par mera man kahta tha ab give up mat kar ab to tera sapna sach hone wala hain. Ise hi apni life khichta rha. Dheere dheere mujhe vishwas hone lga tha ki jo height main chahta tha wo mujhe mil gayi hain is doran maine apni height kabhi nahi napi thi. Ab lockdown main ik din main yahi soch rha tha. Suddenly maine apni height napi or mujhe bahut hi bura lga kyuki meri height only 1cm grow hui thi. Mujhe bahut hi bura lga jaise meri puri zindagi hi ujad gayi ho. Aap itane salo se jis cheez ke bare main soche yhi aapko na mile to bura to lgta hi hai. Fir main bahut paresan rhane lga raat ko need bhi nahi aati thi. Ise khyal aate the ki ham khana hi kyu kha rahe hain jab hamari height hi nahi badhegi to ham so kyu rahe hain jab hamari height hi nahi badhegi to. Ik din main dophar mein apna kuch kaam kar rha tha suddenly mujhe bahut hi negetive thought aaya ( self harm ) ab mein bahut hi pareshan ho gya. Main bahut pareshan ho gya tha . Fir shaam ko maine geeta par videos dekhi to man thoda shant huaa. Ab meri problems ye hai ki. 1. Mujhe ye thought kyu aaya (aana tha to pahale kyu nahi aaya). 2. Ab main koi bhi risk kaam se dar jata hu ki agar main fail ho gya to mujhe dobara ye thoghts aayenge. 3. Maine isa karunga bhi nabi par main is baat se pareshan hu ki ise thought kyu aate hain. Or inse kaise bache . 4. Fir ik din sushant ki news mili to mein or dar gya ki usne kyu kiya hoga kya kabhi hamari zindagi mein ise problems aayi to ham kya karenge. 5. Height wali prblm ko mein puri tarah bhool chuka hu. Jitani hain usme mein khush hu. 6. Par ab mujhe ye dikkat hai ki jab mein joi positive thought sochta hu 8-10 din theek rhta hu or fir koi negetive thought sochta hu to main pareshan ho jata hu. 7. Life ke baare maine bhi ab bahut negetive thought aate hain. 8. Pleasw help meπŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

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