Hey! Thanks for reaching out. I am so sorry for your loss must be difficult for you to handle everything on your own.
Have you tried seeking help in this matter from your other family members?
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Hi. I am really sorry to hear this. Development of hatred towards anything is self harm. Hatred is form of energy which just pass from one form to another. I would recommend you to talk to starnger with anonymously. It will help you. Don't hate anyone because this hate will consume you. I hope you find person with better understanding and help you grow.