Not able to share feelings with anyone
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Hello all. I'm a 17 year old. I live with my mother, younger sister and my mother's young sister ( she's 25 year old). My father don't live with us. He's already married before and lives with them. He comes twice- thrice in a week and then go back. He doesn't know that I know about his another marriage. I asked him once when I was like 12-13 them he just somehow changed the topic and never talked about it again. Even I didn't want to make an embarrassing situation between us. I love my father so much. Even though he don't live us he is always good to me. Always encouraged in my passion. I never met his parents ( grandparents) I don't know their names. Ever where I ask about them. It covers up and tell nobody in his family is alive so he doesn't take us to his village. Even my mother's parents aren't alive. So it's all four of us stay. Even though I am getting good education in school and food to eat, clothes to wear. I am not happy because those are not essential to me. I want a happy family. My mother is always busy running the house, earning for our survival so I don't get much time to talk to her. My sister is so connected to my mother's sister and if my sister talks to me my aunt would get angry and don't talk to her. She created boundaries between me and my sister. When I was a child my aunt would come to me and tell Badly about my mother. As I grew I understood her behaviour and came out of that negative behaviour. But now she caught my sister and she started telling badly about me, my sister and now I don't even talk to my sister for 10 mins per day. Now I don't have anyone to share my feelings with. My uncle ( mother's young brother) used to stay with us till his graduation and left when he got job. He's so strict that he doesn't allow us to wear sleeveless or lipstick ( during functions), doesn't allow to watch tv, doesn't allow us to even speak what we want. So eventually I become alone. Then I met a guy through mutuals you may think that it's just because of some attraction but trust me he's the only supportive person to me till date. he understands me like nobody else. I've been with him since 3 years. Till date I didn't regret for being with him. Unfortunately my family got to know about him because of my aunt. Now even If I got out with my classmates. My mother video call me and after coming back to home. She scolds in a bad language. Now i am fed up. I've a hope that I'm gonna have a better future so I'm adjusting to it and share it with my love. I told my mother that I want to study in some particular College for graduation. She asked her brother and he was like no don't go study in the place where you are. You don't have to go to other places. But for me to be happy that's the only way. I don't know what to do. My passion is to become a model. My father and mother encouraged me whereas my uncle didn't. So now my mother is also not accepting it because of him. When I say I want to become a model. He will say after getting married do want you want. Now you are in our house. Act accordingly. I don't know what to do. I can't cry everyday being here.

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