Not being able to handle emotions
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guys, idk what to do anymore with my life... i love a girl. she's an angel not a human being, she's the most perfect human being i've ever seen... soon we'll have 10 months together. I litterally was never obsessed with anybody else like i'm obsessed with her. It's a distsnce relationship but we've met several times and the days when i was with her were the best day of my life. It's like i was feeling my soul waaay up in the skies from happiness and joy. She is the one who always cares about me and loved me unconditionally and so i was too. We both had a bad experience with love before knowing each other. And recently we've been into several problems which affected us both and affected our relationship. I feel like our days together are going to end soon but i'm so afraid to admit it... I cry before sleeping, when i wake up, whenever i'm alone and sometimes in public but i say that i'm fine all the time. I'm just nothing wuthout her and only god knows how much i love her. She's not only my gf. She's a bestfriend, a soulmate, a mom to me and i want to grow old with her so badly... i have a terrible voice bit she loved it and she loves it more when i sing to her. I just can't lose her and now i'm breaking down knowing that i'm not making her happy but only bringing sadness and depression to her. I'm also depressed and i got recognized with bipolarity but i don't give a single fuck if i'm sad or not being okay i just want her happiness, i just want to gain her trust again that i lost while doing my best and at being super loyal... It's just so sad and it hurts when you know that your best is just being the worst and that i'm only fucking ut all up more and more. I litterally don't want anything else but seeing her one more time, crying in her arms for so long and seeing ger happy even if it means her being away from me. It doesn't matter if i die for her. I just want her to be alright once again even tho i didn't mean doing anything and i didn't want all this to happen and despite all my efforts at finding solutions for every problem we had. I just keep on saying that i'm fine but i just want to be with her forever and at the same time i want her to be the happiest. In conclusion, I just want death and i want her. No need to read all of this tho but thank u if u did i just wanted to let it all out cause i can't take this much toxicity from my family and overthinking about the end of my relationship with this angelic human being anymore... I just want a rest from everything this is too much... and sorry for my bad english btw

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