The worst is when the world turns deaf to the person who loves to express the most. I remain tired. Sometimes i am lazy and sometimes i am just tired. I dont know why i feel so much drained. I do fantasize death in every heroic way possible. And in all those thoughts one thing was common the freedom and peace of death. I realy dont want to die but may be i want to stop existing. Di came today. I just hoped that for once i would be happy, not for just a moment or two, happy atleast for a day may be. Yesterday when i was walking outside 2 people on the road asked if i just wake up from sleep. I know why they thought so may be i had swollen face and small eyes that time. I know how disoriented i feel as if nothing realy makes sense. Sometimes when i fantasize death i just love the fact that in the fantasy i always have a reason to die. I wish i had the same in reality too.