orthodox family and relationship issues

Anxiety

Depression

So I'm 19 years old, I was living with my orthodox abusive parents, when things got out of hand I decided to run away from home, I didn't have too much savings but I was managing, then I met this girl in one of the shared houses I was living in (I am a lesbian), we became close friends and I fell in love with her but she was homophobic so I just tried to end my feelings there. Then I got in touch with one of my old friends who's into girls too and we ended up dating. Now the thing is, my girlfriend is very popular, she doesn't wanna tell people we are dating, she talks and flirts with other girls (or atleast just entertains them for fun in her language), plus since me and my roommate (the girl I was earlier in love with) started running in financial loses, she suddenly offered to work as an escort, idk what to do. I love my girlfriend but she keeps saying she wanna die, I wanna be there for her but she keeps shutting me out and talks to other people, my roommate keeps forcing me to be an escort so that we could pay our bills. Plus now my family is pressuring and threatening me to come back. I'm scared, confused. Life seems too hard rn to deal with plus got no one to talk to

Messchick

5 Answers

Sunshineme

i think you sshould take a break from both of them. Clearly it's not healthy for you. Go to your parents and try to sort things out with them

hansa_shaunik

Messchick you are fighting against so much. It must tire you sometimes. But you are very brave for not giving in to convention and trying to chart your own path. It is however not easy. I can see that the process of doing that for you is starting to get increasingly difficult. But as you navigate through this, please remeber you're bravely facing these challenges so that you can create a life for yourself that you want. There is great power in that. So be kind to yourself as you continue to fight. May I ask how old you are? Also until this point what work were you doing? You mentioned financial losses. Were you in some kind of business? Could you tell me more about that?

hey so I'm 19, and by financial loses as in, i lost my job, the rent got too much. Also thank you so much for all your kind words, you have no idea how much they mean to me

You have the courage to take responsibility for your life. You have done that when you left an abusive fily and tried to make it on your own. You can do it again. Don't let others doubts creep into your own perception of your abilities. Are there other friends, ex colleges that are also struggling to find jobs? Are you in touch with them?

i am not in touch with most of my old friends.

I am suffering from ocd

Frustrating

help me please

how do I change for the better?