when I was a kid I used to get scolded and beaten most of the time more than my siblings,so i used to wonder why do I get scolded all the time,and then I assumed nobody loves me because I don't look good or I'm not beautiful( I have dark skin color). I always thought I'm not beautiful and in school also I didn't have many friends and I was very silent in class. I did not interact with my teachers and classmates( my classmates started thinking that I have some mental problem that I don't talk to people).I thought nobody wants to be my friend. I always used to please everybody and I also got betrayed by my own friends sometimes. I was so scared of my parents that j could not even show it if I was angry about something as if I was not allowed to be angry. I always wanted to be my parents's favourite child in fact I was the most obedient child of my parents, I always did what I was told to do even the smallest thing like what clothes will I wear today,I was never taught to decide what I wanted in my childhood so I never had confidence in me(they never let us go to meet our friends they always wanted us to focus on studies and get good grades, I was an average student though)and when I grew up I got close to my siblings and we used to support each other, share secrets and dreams,cover up for each other's mistakes and I felt so much loved and after my school I went away for graduation and I realised the love of my parents and then I thought I was wrong. I realised the love of my parents. I also realised that I'm also beautiful. And when I lived away from my family I experienced a totally different environment. And I don't care anymore what others think of me or I don't feel the need to please or impress anybody and I am not scared to give my opinion on anything. But I still have overthinking and stress problem. I want to be an extrovert but I am not that personality, I don't know how can I become a confident and attractive personality. I don't get things quickly in my mind like what should I say or do in a particular situation I get anxious. Please tell me how can I overcome these problems.

Hey! Thank you for reaching out. This clearly sums up that your childhood experiences has shaped your personality, but since you mentioned that you have overcame the doubt of not being loved by your parents also you are now confident about how yoh look. That’s the most important thing if we gracefully accept ourselves we automatically start feeling comfortable and start to love ourselves. That’s the first step towards self love. Yoh are different in your own way, any one attribute for example skin colour or height cannot decide if you’re attractive or not. See there are different types of personalities, and yours is introverted. That’s okay, yoh can still maintain friendships, don’t try to something you’re not comfortable doing. Initiate by making one two friends, try to put more. Efforts in those relationships. Then you can slowly expand your circle. Be true and who you are people will eventually realise and befriend you. Confidence comes when you know your abilities and have accepted yourself. Polish the areas you want to work on but don’t push yourself hard. It’s okay to not get things quickly in your mind, you might be critical thinker. Take your time analyse the situation and then move forward with it. It’s actually good. You’re not an impulsive person. Just try not to focus onnegative aspect, try to see the situation how you can best perform and then give your 100% to it. Don’t get scared of being judge. You mentioned about anger issue, do you know your triggers?

no, it just happens sometimes I'm okay and I'm happy but sometimes i get really irritated and angry over very small things. Sometimes I'm very calm, easy going and understanding but sometimes I don't want to listen to anything I just hate everything. I don't want to be like that. Sometimes if some things don't happen according to me I get so angry that i sometimes say things that i don't really mean to say. I hate it when people teach me things that I already know. I don't want them to teach me but I can't tell them especially my elder ones. And also I have communication problem. Some things that i have in mind I don't say it properly and completely. It's difficult sometimes to put them into words. And I also have memory problem. I forget too much even the easiest things that I can remember.

Forgetfulness can be because your mind is always occupied with various thoughts. Why don’t you try to frame a sentence in your mind then deliver it. Try not to say anything immediately when in such situations. At times we can’t change the people around us, what we can do is ignore or let go their advices if we don’t find them useful. You can stay quiet and choose to just nod in such situations.

Thank you so much ma'am but what about the situations where we need to react immediately. And how can i overcome forgetfulness. I'm 22 years old.

Even if it requires an immediate action pause for about 10 secs think about it and then take a decision. Try to practice mindfulness it helps. You can definitely overcome forgetfulness, you start by writing important things, try to he more aware and conscious of the surrounding. Initially it will require conscious efforts in doing so but with time this will develop as part of your personality.

thank you so much ma'am 🙏❤