My parents are separated from almost four years now. Well my dad was a really good father and a husband but things changed and he started treating my mom terribly. He even had an affair and mom and dad started having a lot fights and they eventually separated. Theyre not divorced yet but will be soon and we don't live together. And after all these years mom gets really toxic sometimes not physically but she says really hurtful words that I try to hurt myself I've even felt suicidal because of all this. And at times times like this i miss my dad often and think if he was by my side, if my family was just another normal family, it wouldve been alright. Idk what to do i spend hours crying alone because of mom. Ik that she loves me but sometimes she just can't control her anger. Well that was pretty long but can anyone tell me how to deal with this situation?