mom was crying few days back but even when i asked she said nthing and she told telling me would create more pblms . This the reason tht is killing me I am nt able to focus on studies. I am wasting time getting addicted to gpay games and youtube insta . sonetimes i feel to punish myself . i take belt and hit myself aftr which i get relief. Even in my cllge i dont hav gud environmnt . i wa a rank holder 2yrs bak but since thn i hav deined in studies , i get cheatdd sometimes frm my friends too. i become selfish at times . people calk me seelfish and saddist . I am an introvert i dont like people much around 6 months bad some instrumnt fell frm my hand in cllge bcse of which i hav become famous(Negatv sense ) in cllge all lecturers see me in a diffnt way . i do want to go to cllge and neither to my home . i just wnt to escape or flee somewher ther is no pain .