past issue, studies and anxiety
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hi i dont knw from where i should start. I have had a lot of problems that bothered me from the childhood. I have seen my parents fight a lot and ya i have seen domestic violence right in front of my eyes. i knew my papa mummy loved me a lot but still i cudnt see love between my parents. That had always hurt me. All their misunderstandings amd fights evrythng was sorted once.. i was happy.. really happy .. bt tht didnt last long.. papa fell ill and died the nxt mnth. i was 12 yr old grl then. we lived in mumbai. bt after death, we had to shift to our native. i was least interested to shift. I was least interrsted bcs both my mothrs n fathrs fmly didnt go well wth each othr n i hv experienced tht they hv some less attachmnt twrds me. here in our native plce, mom and me, we stay wth grandprnts, aunts uncles, and cusns. even here they wud jst irritate me .. say bad thngs abt my papa.. who died jst few mnths ago and so on..😅 i ws too depressd i didnt hav any frnds at school.. i tried ouija to bring back papa.. n wat not..i had self harming tendency back then.. bt gradually i found a bumch of frnds with whm i shared and felt light. Aftr that life seemed better. but then still i cudnt get over the grief of my fathers death.. nw i am a pg studnt. almost othr family problems thatwere there in past got solved bcs i somehow got admissjon to one of good engineering college. my btech life was great but aftrr that i now have issues with one of my cusn. he is a teen but the way he speaks is too bad.. he uses a lot of abusive wrds.. tht omce he had even calld me a slut. also i hv pcod bcs of which i gain weight n this cusn does bodyshaming to such an extnd tht i skip meals.. i go to my frnds house and all bcs i cudnt concentrate wen i am at home.. now i am ignoring him to maximum extnd. also during this pg course we havr a project to be submitted . i am weak at decision making . i get worroed over even small thngs. taking this projct case, i am tryng my best, bt even aftr all these sir is saying m nt havng any prgress.. actually he has delayed mys wrk a lot. he also increases the intensity of wrk evryday. nw i am really afraid if i wud b able to finsih this prjct i dont knw .. bcs of all the prjct stress 2 3 mnths befre i stoped talkng to ppl.. for a period of time..i dont knw hw i came out of tht situatn.. bt i am again going back to same situatn.. i cant do anythng... ots like stress is eating me. i cant concentrate.. i cant sleep.. i cant talk properly to frnds.. i really donr knw wat to do.. i cant handle strrss .. even though only 3 mnths r tgere for the course to end.. i tried opening up with frnds.. bt they dont undrstnd the severity of stress m gaving.. i really feel too low.. i knw the pst is bit too lengthy bt i felt i shud open up abt all the past issues n evrythng tht have caused mental stres.. sorry if thts not needed.. bt my prsnt issue is the project stress . also thank you for being patient and readng all these written things

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