past trauma of child abuse and toxic relationships

Stress

Depression

Relationship Issues

past trauma of child abuse and toxic relationships

I was only 5 years old when my domestic helper's sons raped me for consecutive 2 years and threatened me not to utter a word or they would do harm to me and my family. My parents had a troubled marriage because of my grandparents. My parents always quarrel among them as there were financial issues, relationship issues etc in my family. Though my parents loves me still if they gets angry they beat me. My parents beat me mostly when i dont concentrate on studies. To be very frank I hate when my father start teaching me maths. I cant say to him that i dont understand the concept with a fear of getting scolded that im not intelligent or i will get a beating. I lost all the scope of telling the right things because i fear of getting beaten up. As time passes as i turned 13-14 my maternsl grandfather molested me one day. I kept it as a secret of not telling it to my parents as I thought they will blame me for that. When I turned 19 I had my first relation. We had 3 years of relationship. All these years he cheated on me. Then we broke up. Then the next two relations that i was in has also the same fate. they cheated on me and finally into breaking up.

borninapril

7 Answers

Zoya Ahmad

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. I can only imagine the trauma you must have experienced. This is really terrifying. I am so sorry you had to go through this. How are you coping with it now? I am sure, you must be looking for love and a safe space, but people are only hurting your emotions. How are you feeling lately? Let’s try to build your sense of self, I am sure it must have affected it.

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Do think you can now tell this to your parents? How’s their relationship with each other and with you now?

I think there is no point saying it now. I feel so unworthy for everything. What I have written is just the glimpse. Other issues that not directly but indirectly affected me is isnt mentioned here.

I dont know for what I should live for. Im not suicidal still I dont want to live

I understand, you have been through a lot. But let’s try to find hope, motivation for YOURSELF.

Daily I try to find something that i can do. But, at night, another day of failure concluded in bed.

It’s okay, I get it!! Please I know that you have the will, i know you can come out of it, I know we can fix this. Trust yourself and let’s try again.

I am not fit for anyone

Unloving

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Need someone to talk to!!