First of all, I think you are extremely brave to come out in the open and speak about the issues that disturb you. Yes quite a few things you believe are going wrong with you but at the same time I want you to see the things that are good. The things that are under your control and the positive changes you can make in your life. You are sensing that there's a problem out there if you are excessively masturbating OR watching porn. That makes you feel even low about yourself so what are you doing about it? Who is going to come and stop you, or help you, or support you? Only YOU can do that for yourself. For all of us, there are areas of life that can be quite challenging and which make us happy so please try working on it. Yes having friends and loved ones to talk to is amazing but life doesn't end there. You could adopt a pet. You could start something you love. I'm sure you have amazing hobbies. I'm sure there is something you love to do. What's done is done.. It cannot be changed. It hurts you and that's okay. What you do about it from now onwards is what matters. Of course you're not a sex object and refrain from using these words for yourself. You decide how people will look at you. They will not decide it for you. Take charge of your life. Best of luck! Hope to hear from you again!