past trauma, problem in maintaining relationship and unable to express emotions.
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i am almost 29. i have had a difficult time dealing with relationships of any sort. i have been threw some pwrsonal trauma since i was 4. my dad was never around. he worled on the road and then divorced my mom when i was in highschool. not to long adter that my brother ran out of my life. im to scared to let anyone into my life because everytime i do its either too painful or i get abanded by people. i have a list of mental and physical illness. which makes it even harder for me trust people. ive been working in getting my mental health in order. but othet times its harder to control. i dont know if its from all the stress, the lack of eating, lack of sleeping, etc. .. .. i dont have any family willing to talk to me. i have few friends that i dont want to burden. with my thoughts or problems. i cant write anything down on paper on how im feelimg as i tend to keep them and always go back and reread them. everytime i feel as i am getting further ahead in life, theirs always a ton of bad things that happen to me at once. its just hard for me to look forward to the positive when most of my life ive been fed nithing but negatuve thoughts, people usong nehathve words to me when i was 5. it seems like everything that happens to me resolves around my past and it feels as if im stuck their which really hurts me. as im unable to show emition in general because if i do nothing good every comes of it

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