problems with mother, low self esteem
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Iam a 24 yr old girl born in a middle class family. I live with my parents and one elder sister. From childhood i was controlled by my sister in manyways. She always dominated me and i didnt knew how to react to it at that time. I grew silent and was extremely low on self esteem. I never talked to any relatives on any family function because i was afraid of getting offended infront of them. I was an overweight child and everytime i was given a new dress my sister used to tell me whatever you wear doesnt matter this is how you look right? and she never cared about how i felt. But infront of parents she act lovingly to me as if she really cared about me and whatever she does is for my wellbeing. She was always the attention seeker .I didnt knew how to explain to them too.All i was doing in my life was waking up, binge eating and going to school .I didnt even knew what i needed when i was needing. Then as i joined my college i had to stay in a distant place. And i struggled hard to be able to talk to people, to be able to do things own my own.I was afraid of even talking to my classmates. I just realised what i was doing all these years and i wanted to be happy and i wated to be treated human rather than a puppet. So i started to talk back she dominated me but she would confront it with verbal abuses. Now due to corona lockdown i am in my home back from hostel .She and even my mother started using abusive words towards me for every simple thing. They calls me words like prostitute,slut etc. my mother does use these words only when she is angry (which she uses to my sister also at times) otherwise she do care for me. She is stressed nowadays due to financial crisis ( which she helds me responsible for as much money was invested in my studies).everytime there is some conflict i am somehow grabbed in to it by my sister even if iam sitting simply in my room .My sister wants me to be inferior to her in everything. I dont know what to do now. its too much for me to bear .My father is my only support but he doesn't have much say. Everytime he says to my mother this is not how you talk to children. She would start blaming him for everything all the financial issues and because of you these girls have become spoilt.Now I am afraid like i would go back to old state of being a puppet again and i hate being called a prostitute or slut....

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