Hey! Thank you for reaching out. I am sure this must be really difficult to deal with. But self harm isn’t a solution to your pain. You should address the problem and try to solve it. Will be able to explain what happened 4 years back that made you feel this way?

I really don't know where it all started actually...but I guess things got piled up bit by bit from the very beginning and some episodes made this process even fast. It mostly started because of non supportive environment at home and all

Can you pls tell about the incidents that has the most effdct on you. It can be recent or an old one.

starting from the first time,some family problems occurred, I was kinda isolated at home and I didn't have much friends at school either,I remember that everyday I wanted to go to school so bad just because I wanted to get out of that depressing environment,it felt like a huge burden to live in that house... after a year or so,I wantedto heal my self and somehow I got into a bad company,very bad people,that I repented later,I had to force myself out of it,but you know,the guilt was always there,maybe even now...but yeah I have kinda moved on from that....later after two years when I had finally made my escape from the bad company and finally set my priorities,I met this guy and fell for him,I gave my everything so that he could stay,eventually it turnedout to be a toxic relationship.i found out that he was a cheater plus womanizer, it came to me as a shock from which I never really recovered until now,maybe....today I'm in a relationship with this really great guy but I don't know why I have such bad mood swings and depressive episodes even when there's no reason for me....I'm on medication and even that isn't helping,I sometimes think that I've become what I never thought I'd be,I flirt with other people while I'm so serious about my relationship,I don't ever want to mess this up too....sometimes I go into these dark moods where I don't have any control over my thinking....then I think that I'm losing it,my mind

This is a lot to process. I am sure you have lived through the experiences it must have been really difficult for you. But the good part i can trace here is that you have the will to get out of such situations. Considering your current relationship, i think you are scared of your past experiences that you have made a wall and try to act around the way you won’t get hurt if any thing worse happens again. Whereas, you should try to trust this person, talk to him about your insecurities and find a way out. Flirting with others might hurt your current partner exactly the way your past relationship had hurt you. You definitely don’t want that. Try to walk out of the fear. Focus on what you can fix in the present and future take your past as an experience of learning. You think a lot about the relationship may be that’s why you get mood swings. You mentioned about taking medication for your depressive moods as well that will help if you along with medication try to engage yourself in thoughts that are productive. Try to change your begative thiughts with positive ones and try to imagine how the situation would now be. If you still get a lot of thoughts pen them down and keep it aside once you’ve written them you don’t have to think about then anymore. This will require conscious efforts. Also, try to engage yourself in activities that can be enriching for you. Are you working? Or studying?

studying,just took admission in college and these days my sem 1 exams are going on and it's really difficult to concentrate on not only studies but anything at all....it has become really difficult..... no matter how hard I try,I am not able to process pressure or any such situation in a productive way,it's like my brain cannot handle even a tiny bit of stress..... I always saw myself as a carrier oriented person and that's exactly what I always wanted to be...but as time passes it seems like a distant dream,no no.... a mere thought actually

Yes! It’s just a negative thought that you have. You are still very career oriented. You just have to shift your attention from negativities to focusing on things you can actually change. What you can do right now is try to sort some short term goals for yourself. Make a schedule everyday that you have to do, check it once done and it will give a sense of accomplishment. Try to divert your mind in doing something productive. If it’s relationship try to foxus on what you have right now and make moments cherishable.

I will surely try to work on this..... thanks for sparing your time🖤

Feel free to connect anytime.