prolonged depression, suicide ideations and self harm habit
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I am 20+, I've been fighting depression for almost 4 years now.... But now, sometimes it feels like this is it! I cannot do it anymore and i want to give up. Sometimes it feels like I'm on the verge of breaking. It feels like I'd tied myself to chains to be in my senses and now slowly the chains are breaking and the only stage after that is that I'll be called a maniac. Sometimes I've these dark moods where either knowingly Or unknowingly, I'm not really sure, I do stuff.... Like sometimes I've these suicidal thoughts, I self harm etc.... I do this because it helps me escape the mental pain and torture, it feels like my mind is totally out of any control. I lose the energy to even move my head or pick up my hand. And i don't know, maybe somewhere I worsened this thing for myself because somehow it had become my comfort zone, I felt protected in it, I cannot imagine myself without this protective layer around me now, I feel safe from any pain or hurt, because even if something like that happens it gets balanced with the pain already inside, so you know... It kinda neutralizes, it might be stupid of me to think this way.... But i don't know..... It is what it is.... If only I could maintain a certain level for this, that'd help a lot.... It's now getting out of control....

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