Severe anxiety
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Hello Folks, This is Sam, I am 22 years old girl from India, my anxiety started on march 2020, my dad is a very paranoid person, he always invests fear inside people around him, he is a pessimist and a negative thinker. My anxiety started because of him, from childhood, i have grown up to parents fighting with each other and dad being very dominating and male chauvinistic, when covid started in India, he started to invest fear inside me, i started feeling breathless, my back felt as if someone is holding me tight, he was waking me and mom in middle of the night, telling us everyday what if we get covid, and he forced us to move to our native which is a village(mom's birthplace). Then even after moving there, the fear of death was always there inside me, my back started aching and I went without hunger, it felt so wrong, my body felt anxious and wrong always. My parents thought i'm insane and they couldn't understand what i was going through, my placement went on that time, my dad had an affair too, then my parents had a ugly fight, i was mentally tormented, during september when i was eating dinner, i suddenly felt like choking, so i asked them to take me to hospital, to be honest, i thought i wouldn't make it, hospital was 40 minutes from village, throughout the ride, i was holding moms hand, i remember the feeling, my tongue felt like it would go in, after getting admitted, a neurologist checked me, then he told my mother that i am just overthinking stuffs, and he prescribed some meds, later i googled to find those were anti depressants and anti anxiety pills,my parents reconciled with each other, we went to many pilgrimage places, during the nights i felt the hell through me. Then i started fearing staying there, because hospital was far, i always had the fear of getting heart attack, so during december 2020, i contacted my dad's friend's son, he is a ortho doctor, he spoke to my dad, they fixed an appointment is a psychologist in chennai(my city), we moved back to our home from village during january, my cousin took me to the psychologist, it was a bad experience. She hardly listened 10 minutes of what i said, she was busy communicating with nurse about another patients bad behavior with her, then she prescribed me some pills, i took the pills for two days, it felt so bad, i was spinning all the time during side effects, then my dad took me to our family doctor, he knows me more than 17 years, he told me to stop taking those pills psychologist gave, he prescribed some other pills, it worked a bit, it was fine, but my fear was always there, then during february , I installed anonymous applications and started chatting with the strangers around the world, hearing and sharing stories, i made friends around the world, there were some doctor friends too, i met a guy named shravan there, he has decade old experience in medicine, he helped me a bit, one night when i was having anxiety bad, he stayed in call throughout and helped me realize that lungs wont stop and my heart is fine, then i got confidence inside me and it went bit uphill. But I had to block him as he had wrong interests towards me. Then suddenly I started feeling depressed and throat anxiety was there. I felt something was always wrong, life seemed so wrong, I started getting dependent on strangers I met. It was hard, jumping from one support to another, i even joined yoga, but when she makes me do advance asanas, i started feeling anxious during and after yoga too, finally during july 2021, i started feeling tired and heavy headed always, my yoga instructor suggested fig juice to help it, i started drinking it, but it was too thick, so i felt the sensation of choking, so i slowly started sipping it bit by bit, it became habitual in head, i felt tensed and stressed for every liquid intake, then now i couldnt drink water as i did before, its really hard to even take a big gulp, the fear went to food too, i started a behavioural therapy weekly once for a month, i could manage to eat food now, but still im dehydrated with hardly 700ml water per day for last 4 months, im trying to break the fear, but the voice inside my head is always there, im very conscious when drinking water or coffee or any other bevarages, so now im worried what will happen if my kidneys gets affected because of this. please tell me a way to forget about this water fear and come outta it. It has been a very long battle already with changing phobia, i just want to focus on my career and get out of this anxiety.

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