I lost my father when I was 11 but never had this attachment with him. He was more close to my younger sibling. So after his dimise I was sad obviously but not that sad. And now I feel so so guilty that I didn't give him the love and respect which he deserved. When I was in 10th my classmate molested me. And for like two and a half year I blamed it on me just like the guy did and every other batchmate did. And then I learnt about consent. And from that day on I never blamed myself. Cause I was too loud and clear and I said NO when that guy molested me. But still on bad days when I think of it I end of blaming myself. So this was huge for me. I mean the things I have faced people of my batch kinda slut shamed me. And so I decided I will never again in my life face these people. So I threw my next two years away not caring about it to a government +2 convent college. Knowing the fact that no one will show up from my previous batch. And well I was right no one did. And now I wanted to go out of my state to some other state for a fresh start. Cause in my city there is only this one college which is good for the course that I want to do. And that college is every students first choice. And I think many of my former schoolmates would have joined there or will join. And I will have to go there as well as I have no option left. I can't go out cause colleges in other cities are way too expensive and I can't afford it. So that's the last option. And I am not ready to face those people who slut shamed me. And these days these are the only things I can think of. I can't sleep at night. I end up crying and overthinking every night.